“Please Pray”

please prayWell actually it said “Please Pry” but I knew what he meant.  I received the familiar text while visiting my Mom. The pit in my stomach is as real as the PTSD I suffer from parenting a child from hard places.  I now get to sit and wait for the phone to ring with the explanation of why I need to pray.

It could be that a friend is sick, it could be that he lost his key or more probable, he’s in trouble.   He admitted at work to some wrongdoing on Friday so I knew that he may be facing consequences today and I thought I prepared him mentally for this.  Did I?  Does he “get it?”  Will he learn from these consequences? Is there any way to rectify this wrong? I don’t know because I don’t even know what I’m praying about.

But, I do pray. When the bible says to “pray without ceasing” I didn’t realize that it meant that I would pray without ceasing for this child from the moment I met him. I didn’t realize that he would be in constant need of prayer. And, I definitely need more direction for the prayer. WHAT IS GOING ON? What am I praying about? There is a chance that I am the one needing prayer.  I need prayer to actually be able to pray about this situation whatever it is.  I am betting that I need to pray that I will have the grace to handle the call when it comes. I need strength to hear about yet another failing. I need prayer to not allow this situation to undo all the good that we have been working on.

So, you know what…I will pray.  I will be thankful and pray that he will use the skills that he has been gifted with. I will pray that he is with someone who can comfort him. I will pray that the consequence is fair and just. I will pray that he will learn from his mistake. But in all honesty, I’m praying that the phone will ring and that this suspense will be over soon!

I’d like to tell you that I will fill you in later, but chances are, it won’t be something that I will care to share.  BUT, I will give God the glory for getting us through whatever it is that we are going through.

And, hey, “please pray.”

 

Pray without ceasing.  1 Thessalonians 5:17
Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under family, Inspirational, Trauma-mama, Uncategorized

Dear Person,

 

IMG_8190 (1)

Dear Person who was kind to my kid,                                                        I applaud you. I thank you. I am so grateful for all that you’ve done for him. You and I are a lot alike. We care deeply for Paul. We see the potential and the way he manages his disabilities and we are amazed at all he can accomplish with his limited IQ and other challenges. We see his charm and we love the way he can make us smile at times.

However, we also can be disappointed, resentful, and frustrated by him in a way we didn’t think was possible. We question his motives and exhaust ourselves trying to figure out why he does what he does.  Why would he not follow a simple rule? How could he take advantage of us like that? What does he expect from us? We give and give and give and he just takes. We try to teach him, we come up with plans, we motivate, coach and inspire and some days, he does things that make us wonder why we ever bothered.

Paul has Reactive Attachment Disorder and whether you have to deal with it for 9 months or a lifetime, you will never understand it. It is a maddening mental health diagnosis where because of early childhood trauma, he has difficulty forming bonds with others.  He can appear kind and caring on the surface, but in his heart, he protects himself from getting close to others who have the potential to reject him as his own biological parents did. He was denied the basic right as a baby to be cared for and nurtured, so he doesn’t value things the way we do.  His brain developed differently than ours and in instances when we would seek others, he pushes others away before they can reject him to “protect” himself.  He is in survival mode at all times and truly only trusts and relies on himself.  He is very uncomfortable being dependent on others.

I’ve been trying to wrap my brain around RAD for over 15 years and recognize that this is beyond my understanding. I will never understand why praise would make him uncomfortable. I will never understand why he self-sabotages the good things in his life, why he breaks his own belongings, why he hurts himself, why he can’t see how much others care for him and want him to be happy.  Why he can’t accept love.

As a person who was loved and cared for as an infant and toddler, as a person who had someone pick her up when she cried, who fed her when she was hungry & who sang to her and kissed her boo-boos, I am incapable of understanding and feeling his pain or understanding his brain.

Paul is an adult. He is minutes away from transitioning completely out of my home and the security of the school system. I’m sure he’s scared to death.  I must admit, I’m scared too. During his school years, he has met so many wonderful people who worked with him and wanted the best for him. He has had the opportunity to learn many skills and he even implements many of them, but he can’t be taught some of the things that are so basic to us.

So, friend, if you are hurt, disappointed or resentful, I’m sorry.  I validate your very real feelings. I encourage you to only give what you don’t expect back. I encourage you to take care of yourself and your feelings. I beg you to see your success in working with him from what you put into him and not what he’s given back. I can’t promise you, but it is my hope (and hope is what I cling to!) that those things that it seems like he isn’t quite getting right now, will surface later.  You may not get to see the success you are so hoping for in his life, but please feel success in your own about all you are teaching him. I am slowly learning to do that myself!

God Bless You!

Linda

********************************************************************

Some reminders: “His brain is broken. – It will never make sense to us. – Don’t allow his craziness to become your craziness. – He just doesn’t get it. – It’s not that he doesn’t want to, he just can’t. – We are only responsible for our own behaviors, not his. – Protect yourself. – He’s not losing sleep over it, you shouldn’t either.”

*********************************************************************

There is surely a hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.  –Proverbs 23:18

**********************************************************************

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. — Romans 8:28

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Inspirational, Parenting, Scriptures, Trauma-mama, Uncategorized

Tuesday News Day!

IMG_7953 (1)

Sarah is working on a new procedure at work, Nicole bought a TV, Lori had her friends build a human pyramid, Kevin made a new friend, Paul saw a movie, Linda was sick with the flu, Kaylee had a school snow day, Cale bought a couch and George has been busy cleaning up after the house flooded. These are all examples of the latest news in our family.

Starting in January 2019, I wanted to come up with a way to stay in communication with all of my kids who live in varying parts of the country and to try to keep them in contact with each other.  Hence, the creation of Tuesday’s News Day!  The group text is sent to Seattle, Denver, Richmond, New Castle and to some within the same house.  I begin with a short recap text of what I’ve been up to in the last week and invite the rest to chime in.  It’s been such a fun, easy way to learn more about each other and what our typical or less than typical week looks like.

Scrolling past over the last 8 weeks I see where I finished reading Little Women, George is grateful for the book Cale bought him for Christmas, Nicole spent time in Florida, Kevin has been trying new recipes, Sarah binged on a podcast, Cale is trying to walk more, Lori took a Lyra class, Kaylee was cast in a musical & Paul went with his Dad to see the movie Escape Room.

Though I wish we all lived closer, I take comfort in knowing that on Tuesday, my phone will chime multiple times as people report in.  Gone are the days of waiting for handwritten letters in the mail, even live voice phone calls are sometimes hard to fit in, but the well-timed Tuesday text brings joy to all!

decorative-line-clipart-clipart-panda-free-clipart-images-ezxo3g-clipart

“How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the gospel of peace,
Who bring glad tidings of good things!”  –Romans 10:15 NKJ

decorative-line-clipart-clipart-panda-free-clipart-images-ezxo3g-clipart

I’m so grateful to those who bring glad tidings!!

1 Comment

Filed under Big Kids, family, Life, Little Kids, Parenting, Scriptures, Travels, Uncategorized

Halfway There

asphalt environment grass highway

The plans are made, or at least the plans were made. We are all going, we are inviting friends, everyone is excited, “let’s do this!” Then, one by way, attitudes change, things come up, schedules conflict, fatigue at the end of the week, the excitement wanes and instead of enthusiasm, you are met with obligation. We are all going, but only half of us want to. The “want-tos” have to tolerate the “have-tos” and the whole event has changed. This event is no longer something even the “want-tos” want to attend.

So, do we go or cut our losses? Completely discouraged, I try to decide.  I turn on my computer and see the video link of my son’s cross country bicycle trip.  I don’t bother playing it, I’ve seen it a million times and can visualize it completely.  It usually inspires me, but I’m not even sure I want to be inspired.  How would it make me continue on in making plans for this failing event? The video shows a lot of close-up footage of his feet on the pedals going round and round. Spinning sprocket, he just kept going. However, today, though not in the video, I think I’ll join him in the times he sat at the side of the road and cried.  (I’m sure he did.) I’m sure as he pedaled on and on, at times he stopped and sat. “Nope. Not going any further. Not doing another thing.”

What now? How long can I sit here? What do I do or think while I’m not moving forward and not going back? Can I just stay here? I wish I could, but decisions need to be made and plans need canceled or carried out. I’m halfway there and it’s not a good place to be. The start was fun, halfway there is hard, who knows what the finish will be? My son kept going…he kept pedaling….in the end, I believe he was blessed, but geez, halfway there must’ve been really hard.

Halfway there, Ugh. I guess I can’t sit here any longer. I will make the best of the plans.  Maybe change the goal a bit, lower the expectations and concede that the “have-tos” are probably not going to change their position, but, the intent was good in the beginning and if we just keep going, we may actually win a few over and have a good time.  Sometimes when you are halfway there, you are at the top of the hill.  Let’s hope so.

decorative-line-clipart-clipart-panda-free-clipart-images-ezxo3g-clipart

Photo by suzukii xingfu on Pexels.com

 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.                                    –Acts 20:242 

 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.      –2 Timothy 4:7

Leave a comment

Filed under Inspirational, Life, Travels, Uncategorized

GLUT!

img_7687I used this word in my last post.  Glut.  I used it without even thinking and then I thought, “Is glut a word?”  I was excited to see that it was:

glut  [ɡlət]    NOUN  –  an excessively abundant supply of something.
VERB  (be glutted)  – supply or fill to excess.

Not only is it a word, but I believe that I used it correctly! Wow!  OK, so it’s a real word and apparently, it is a real problem at my house.  I believe that I have a glut of pens in my junk drawer, a glut of jeans that don’t fit in my closet, a glut of ketchup in my pantry.  WHY? Where does it all come from and how do I get rid of it?

This weekend I am blessed to get to host Dr. Maudlin Mesedieu.  A physician I met in Haiti.  He will be spending a couple of nights in our guest room downstairs. The room is adequate and knowing that Haitians aren’t a pampered sort, I’m sure my home will be fine for him.  What concerns me is the fact that he will have to walk past the open shelving I refer to as my second pantry. On these shelves are the duplicate grocery items that I have that won’t fit in my overfilled upstairs pantry. An extra box of rice, multiple cans of green beans, and enough cake mixes to go into the cupcake business. I’m embarrassed or more accurately, ashamed that he will see the glut on these shelves. The food that is sitting unused on my shelves could feed his village for a week.  Not his family, his village. He comes from a place where the fortunate people have a meal once a day and sometimes have to wait and eat every other day and then there are the less fortunate who aren’t even able to have that.

When I mentioned my discomfort with this situation, my daughter suggested we hang curtains over the shelves….even a 12-year-old knows that we have too much and should maybe try to hide it.

There is not much I can do about the food situation in Haiti and I certainly can’t ask Dr. Maudelin to put a can of black beans in his suitcase, but I can donate some of my surpluses to the local food cupboard.

My husband has told me that we should be “uncomfortable with how comfortable we are.”  I think it’s official. I am. In case you haven’t heard, I have a newfound passion for the country of Haiti and one community in particular. I have friends in Mombin Crochu , Haiti who need me….who need us.  So, if you ever find that your glut is making you uncomfortable, give me a call, we will try to figure out a way to have you pitch in and make a difference in a country that speaks a language that probably doesn’t even have a word for “glut.”

Check it out: Hearts4Haiti.org

Your people settled in it, and from your bounty, God, you provided for the poor.

Note: This blog was written in October and published in January.  We had a lovely visit with Dr. Maudelin and unfortunately, we have even more ‘glut’ to start the new year.

Leave a comment

Filed under family, Life, Uncategorized

Remind Me

may-the-glow-of-christmas-fill-the-hearts-of-you-and-your-loved-ones-all-year-longChristmas is coming….just a few days away.  I have tons to do and the recent days have been full of obligations and to-do lists.  Things I have to do and those things that I feel I have to do and moments of not being able to figure out which is which.  I’ve struggled this year with a minor lack of holiday cheer and I even admitted to someone that I find that I am a better Christian and more charitable and giving other months of the year and I’m not even sure that is a bad thing.  This time of year is full of expectations and the fact that I am so busy doing Christmas prep, I don’t have as much time to be as giving as I am at other times.  My door is always open and my kitchen table is always welcoming anyone who will sit for a cup of tea, but right now, you’d be hard pressed to find me at home to enjoy it. I like to surprise people with unexpected note cards and letters, but this year, I don’t have time to prepare cards. I’ve been known to bake treats and deliver them to friends and neighbors, but gift shopping has taken up my time for that.  So, you see, this year, I’m just not “feeling it.” I long for more leisurely days and quieter times.

That said, this year is a bit different than other years. My kids are growing and/or grown and traditions we once held dear don’t really matter as they once did. Three of my kids live out of state so the shopping and shipping make gift giving a challenge. My oldest has recently graduated from college and is moving to Seattle on Christmas Day. Throw in a few general concerns and situations on the home front and I’m fighting the urge to say “Bah Humbug!”  I won’t though, because I know the true reason for the season AND, I just have to remember what I’ve celebrated so far this season. I’m writing this publicly so when I get sad that my Christmas Holiday gets cut short by my oldest moving to Seattle on December 25th (Yes, I said that again. I think if I keep saying it, I might get used to the idea?)…remind me.

Remind me that:

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family, a full house of laughs & good food and too much stuffing.

I went on an annual Christmas Shopping outing with a friend on the day that our town didn’t have any electricity.  The mall decorations and lights were a real treat when I didn’t have any at home.

I attended Chicora Light -Up Night where Kaylee was able to perform her solo even though she was fighting a major sore throat and cold.

I made 8 batches of hard tack with my Mom and all of my daughters. We even went out of the box and made a Cotton Candy flavor.

I kicked off the Salvation Army Kettle Drive in our community.

I visited my Aunt Garnet with my mom and sister.

I went to Volant and donated books to the Amish for them to use as Christmas gifts.

I painted a Christmas Canvas with a friend.  I just love my Red Truck with a tree in the bed!

Rehearsals were held and I was able to spend some time with some of the cutest Shepherds, Angels, and Mice I know!

A morning was filled with laughs and discussion at book club as we discussed a Christmas Fiction.

I had lunch with a friend.

Kaylee wowed me with her solo at the Jr. High Christmas Concert & the music those kids performed was amazing….and really fun!

I decorated and enjoyed a Christmas dinner with 30 of the women from church.

I hosted a dinner party. I figured I wanted to invite others over to see and enjoy my Christmas decorations. We had a fun time!

I enjoyed a tureen luncheon and Children’s Christmas Pageant at church.  I couldn’t have been more proud of that gang!  They did a wonderful job!

George & I have had fun shopping. (Always a great excuse for a meal out!)

I taught a 4 week Sunday School Class on A Christmas Carol.

I went out for dinner and to see the Christmas lights with George, Paul, and Kaylee.

I had a Christmas lunch out with my Mom, my Aunt Jean, my sister, my daughter, and 7 cousins.

I’ve baked cookies, made snacks and made hard tack with George, Kevin, and Nicole.

I invited my Brother and Sister in Law over for an evening of Hallmark Movie Bingo. We watched until someone got bingo and then we started a new movie. (We didn’t need to watch the end to know what happened.)

I had a nice lunch out while Christmas shopping with my brother.

Today, Kevin left to finish packing up his house, Nicole has gone to a friend’s house, Paul is playing video games and George and Kaylee are at lessons.  It’s the first time I’ve had a minute to think in days.  And, as I ponder how I am going to “get through” this Christmas, I’ve finally had a chance to think about what I’ve already done. I’ve already celebrated Christmas many times and I have been filled with joy at each of these things.

I hope you have a chance to take a minute to remember all the things that you have already done that lead up to the actual big day.  Christmas is definitely more than just a single day.  It is even more than just a season. We truly should try to celebrate it all year long.

 

 

1 Comment

Filed under Big Kids, family, Life, Uncategorized

A Good Commercial

51088684-blank-billboard-with-urban-background-advertising-commercial-frame-advertisement-blank-outdoor-boardYears ago George and I were invited to travel with 2 other couples.  These childless couples traveled a lot for business, so they were flying first class while George and I were flying coach. This was back in the day when First Class was really something special.  At the airport, the one man asked if there was any way that George and I could be bumped up to first class using his frequent flyer miles.  There was only one seat left in first class, so George allowed me the treat of sitting up front.

I was seated by a businessman and I started to read my Christian Parenting magazine.  He smiled at me and said, “Are you a Christian?”  I said, “Yes, I am.”  He said, “Well, what does that mean?”  I hem-hawed around and stumbled with my words.  I’m not even exactly sure what I said, but I know that I stuttered a lot.  He very kindly said, “Well, sounds to me, like you need to work on a better commercial for Christianity in case you get the opportunity to answer that question again.”  I’m not sure what I replied, but then he smiled, stood up and said something like, “Let me show you a good answer.”

He went back to coach and found George.  He told George that he wanted to him to go to first class and sit with his wife and he took the center seat in the back of the plane.

We still aren’t sure we have a good commercial, but we never forget his.

images-3

But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,…           1 Peter 3:15

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Inspirational, Life, Scriptures, Travels, Uncategorized