Another 12 Step Program?

IMG_2303OK, at wit’s end again.  How am I supposed to deal with a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder?  And, of course, how am I supposed to deal with an adult child with Reactive Attachment Disorder?  Just as we transition from grade to grade during the school years, we now transition from program to program to help him in the adult years and I’m beginning to believe that we need to transition from therapy model to therapy model to continue.

I knew how to parent…or at least had things to try when he was a child.  There were simply things that a parent could not allow a child to do, but now he is an adult and the line has gotten fuzzy.  Today, I’ve hit a new low and have sought out help from a pamphlet titled, “So You Love An Alcoholic.”  Since nothing else had worked, I thought I’d give this a try.  I ‘ve decided to customize it for Reactive Attachment Disorder.  Again, these ideas are not my own, so credit goes to Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.

Reactive Attachment Disorder is an illness. The first thing for you to acknowledge, believe, accept is that children who have reactive attachment disorder suffer from a real sickness – a sickness which affects all those close to them.  The AMA and many authorities the world over declare the Reactive attachment sufferer has an illness over which he or she has no control. It is not caused by weakness of will, immorality or a desire to hurt others. Once you have accepted the idea that Reactive Attachment Disorder is a sickness form which compulsive children and those who care about them can find release, you will have no reason to be ashamed of it – no reason to fear it.

Learn the Facts. Wipe your mental slate clean of everything you think you know about it. Then apply yourself to a learning program. You can get valuable first-hand knowledge about RAD by attending an open support meeting. Don’t hesitate because you feel you are a stranger; anyone is welcome who is interested in the problem of RAD. Talk to members after the meeting; you can discuss your difficulties with the people you meet there.

Help Yourself Now. Don’t wait to seek help  Anyone whose family has suffered from the effects of RAD knows the constant emotional strains and pressures and needs help in relieving these.  Nothing will give you greater relief than the understanding and warm-hearted help you will find in a Support Group meeting. There you will, as one member put it, “learn to live again.” The members are compassionate, well-informed and have first-hand knowledge of problems just like yours because they have them too! Conversations with people who share your problems will convince you emotionally – as your investigations may have convinced you intellectually – that RAD is a disease, not a sin. Sharing this knowledge can help you begin your own recovery.

Some Important “Don’ts”

Don’t treat the sufferer like a child; you wouldn’t if he or she were suffering from some other disease. Don’t check up on them to see how much they are offending; Don’t search for offenses; Don’t put temptations away, they can always find ways to get more; Don’t nag them about their issues; Don’t preach, reproach, scold or enter into quarrels.

If you can bring yourself to avoid these things, you’ll be well on the way to a more comfortable frame of mind. All these Don’ts have good sound reasons that grew out of many people’s experience. RADs suffer from feelings of guilt beyond anything the non-RAD can imagine. Reminding them of failures, neglect of family and friends and social errors is all wasted effort. It only makes the situation worse.

The “if you loved me” approach is likewise futile. Remember the RAD is compulsive in nature and cannot be controlled by willpower. Equally useless are promises, coaxing, arguments and threats. Sometimes a crisis can convince the RAD of the need for help- the loss of a job, an accident or an arrest.  Steel yourself against coddling and overprotectiveness at such a time. The crisis may be necessary for recovery. Do nothing to prevent such a crisis from happening. The suffering you are trying to ease by such actions may be the very thing needed to bring the RAD to a realization of the seriousness of the situation – literally a blessing in disguise.

Remember, the whole family may have slips and set-backs Don’t take them seriously. Believe that a firm foundation for recovery has been laid. If you feel that either of you has made mistakes, learn from them and forget them. Let go of the disappointments and setbacks and push forward!

The way ahead is not always easy, but it can be full of rich rewards in a satisfying life for you and those you love.

Oh if I could only heed this advice.  Today, it’s a challenge! In a final attempt to find peace in my day, I turned to today’s date in the One Day At A Time In Al-Anon book. “Does the voice of God have a chance to be heard over my angry shouting? What is the purpose of letting myself fly apart in reckless tantrums? To relieve my pent-up feelings? Today’s Reminder: I cannot punish anyone without punishing myself.  The release of my tensions, even if it seems justified, leaves dregs of bitterness behind. Unless I have deliberately decided that my relationship has no further value in my life, I would do well to consider the long-range benefits of quiet acceptance in times of stress.”

Ouch.  Just Ouch.

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“How shall you punish those whose remorse is already greater than their misdeeds?”

–Kahlil Gibran: The Prophet

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Shaking My Head Again

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Shaking my head again…there are just things that happen that can’t be explained.  The care God and others have over my son is one of them. Yesterday, we were at our river house. The river was high and muddy from some recent rain so my husband and I decided to do some inside maintenance. He assembled bunk beds while I read a good book, but I was only an arm’s length away if he required assistance. (Which he did only once or twice for a couple of minutes.) But anyway, we were inside “working” while Paul was fishing on the dock. That boy loves to fish! He has spent hours this summer with a pole in his hand and a smile on his face.

Right as my husband was assembling Step 7A bolt into step 7A nut as listed on the IKEA instructions, Paul came in and stands at the bedroom door soaking wet.  After my initial, “Move! You’re making a puddle and I’ll slip and fall!” it dawned on me that my kid had been in the swift river.

“What?!”

Paul calmly says, “Let’s start with the good news. I’m safe and I got my chair but the bad news is that I lost my travel mug and ball cap.”

“What?!”

While he was standing on the dock, his chair blew into the water, he jumped in sans life jacket to retrieve it. He was quickly swept away with his chair in his hands (hard to swim when you are grasping your favorite fishing chair.) He realized he wasn’t going to be able to swim back to our dock so he floated downstream and got out at a neighbor’s dock. Aaaaah. Safe. Another disaster thwarted.

“Thank God you are safe. You have angels looking over you all the time buddy, do you realize that?”

“Yeah, but that was my favorite hat. Uncle Gary gave it to me last year from his work and he won’t be able to get another one since the plant closed.”

“Let’s focus on the good stuff. You are safe.”

“And my mug. It’s the only one I’m allowed to use on the bus and I was going to take it to camp this week. Can I borrow yours?”

“Sure.” (I love loaning my stuff to the kid who as you can see takes incredibly good care of all of his belongings. Insert sarcasm here.) Remember, you are very lucky! You are safe!”

“I know, but I think I’ll pout a while about the hat and mug.”

Oh, brother. I return to assisting George when I hear Paul talking to someone in the yard. I go out to see a man handing Paul his missing hat and mug. It seems this man was fishing on his dock about 1/2 mile downstream when the hat and mug floated by. He “wasn’t going to risk his life to go after it, but it went right by his dock” so he grabbed it. Paul’s fishing license was still attached and he said, “Well, I know where this kid lives.” Of course he does! Everyone knows Paul.

Our river house sits on a 1 mile stretch of the river with houses, camps, and campsites 3 deep in some places. We know very few of our neighbors, but the whole stretch knows Paul. Probably from a previous rescue mission.

After the bunk beds were completed, George and I took a bike ride. We left Paul to fish (with a life vest on!) and we took a little ride. On the way back a neighbor about 5 houses away called out to us for a visit. We stopped by and shared our most recent Paul story. John and his wife Chris have many of their own Paul stories. John started sharing some of his experiences with another couple that was there. We laughed. It’s always easy to laugh at these tales after time. (Not so easy to laugh while they are occurring.) John said, “Paul is going to be all right. He’s a survivor.” I commented that he will survive, but will his parents? We shouted out our appreciation to John for friending Paul and that it “takes a village.”

George admitted that a good sense of humor helps. As we were leaving, the new guy said, “I never met him, but I know I’d love him.” Shaking my head and smiling, I was assured of two things. He will get to meet him and he will love him. Everyone does.

As Paul ages, his special needs do too. I think he will always require some aid from others. (Don’t we all?) As he nears 20 years of age, I’ve been struggling with letting go, but meeting the angels who look out for Paul helps. There are so many stories like today’s story. Not just the part of him being kept safe in the water, but the bonus gift of the returned hat.

Paul isn’t’ just surviving as the Maker of Earth watches over him, he is thriving. I think it’s time for this Mom to back up a bit, resign as the Mayor and just become part of the village. I can attest to how God has used the village in the past and I look forward to being a part of it.

This Villager, however, will be enforcing a Life Vest Ordinance more often!

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Last Day!

IMG_4384Tomorrow is my daughter’s last day of elementary school.  Today was mine.  I volunteered at the end of the school year Luau and helped some kids make bookmarks out of paper clips and yarn. I treated myself to a SnoCone in the parking lot and I left at noon. I was talking with some moms early in the day about this being my last event there and wondered when it would hit me that I really wouldn’t be going back to the school. It hit me when I was leaving the building.  I had my hand on the door to leave and I saw the principal unloading boxes in the hall.  I thought about saying “good-bye” but thought I might tear up.  I didn’t want to cry.  What in the world would I cry about? I’m leaving this school building after volunteering there for 24 years! Yes, I have had kids in this building for 24 years. I wonder if it would’ve been so hard if I had only had one or two kids and had only been a part of that place for 7-10 years like most families.  Is this such a big deal because I have walked these halls for so long?

Or is it really a big deal at all?  Not really. It’s been kind of fun having seniority there.  I’ve had many opportunities to watch the 5th-grade band students perform their Christmas concert after only 3 months on their new instruments. It’s been fun attending Open House, Science Fairs, Literacy Nights and elementary basketball games. And, even though we joke about having to hear Hot Cross Buns played on the Recorder annually, today it feels like it will be something I miss. I left the building today and there is a good chance I won’t be going back. At this point, I don’t have hopes for grandchildren attending this school and I honestly don’t know if I’m a good enough aunt to really attend those concerts on their behalf. I have officially signed out of that building for the last time.

Maybe this post is a little premature.  My daughter still has one more day at that school.  There’s still a chance that I will have to go and pick up a forgotten clarinet or her extra tennis shoes. I may even find a library book under the couch that will need to be returned. There is just no way to know for sure.

 

When my daughter comes home from school tomorrow, I feel certain that she will have the confidence she needs to move on to the high school in the fall.  The question is, will I? Lord willing, we both will!

I’ll leave you with an oldie but a goodie:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.     Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

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I Hate This Shirt…or Do I?

IMG_4020OK, so you all know I’m a Mom and as much as I hate to admit it, I often do such stereotypical Mom things that I’m embarrassed.  My favorite commercial currently is the Progressive Insurance commercial and my favorite line is “Why is the door open? Are we trying to air condition the whole neighborhood?” It just makes me smile to think that we all do share some of the same memories.  Today, though, I may have struck out some new ground of my own…or maybe not.  Do you other parents sometimes make things disappear in your house? Maybe it’s your kid’s cell phone that is overused and you just hide it under a newspaper for a while just to have some face to face conversation? Maybe you hide that last candy bar and say that they all must have been eaten? Do you ever pretend to NOT see the remote for the TV when they are looking in hopes that the kids will find something else to do for a bit? If you don’t, maybe you should give it a try. However, the above tricks of the trade in the parenting business are harmless, but my following confession may not be. Here we go…

Do you ever permanently make clothes disappear? The too short shorts? The too tight T-Shirt? The stained jersey? The handmade school spirit shirt? The one with a beer ad on it (that was “accidentally” worn to church?) and the ever-popular mismatched socks? Well, I do.

Today, the harmless T-Shirt that is pictured above almost met its’ demise. The threat was made the last time she wore it. “I am so sick of that shirt that the next time I see it in the laundry, I will make it disappear!” There is was today. Clean, fresh, appropriately crumpled in the laundry basket. I picked it up, began to fold it and realized that my chance was right there. I could cut it up and make a dust rag or I could throw it in the bag for the Salvation Army. With it in my hands, I paused and then I decided to fold it gently and put it on her pile of clean clothes to put away. What’s the big deal? What is so wrong with that shirt? It won’t fit forever. I’m sure she’ll decide to stop wearing it someday. Why on earth would that harmless shirt be something that I allow to upset me?

We are heading into the teen years. I will need all the help I can get and I need to work now on a relationship that will weather the real storms that we may face. This shirt cannot have the power to upset me and potentially cause a rift between my daughter and me. The next time I see her wear it proudly (which I am certain will be tomorrow when she sees it on the top of the pile,) I will say a prayer that we will be very careful in choosing our battles. I will be grateful for my healthy daughter and the blessing she is.

Now, I think I will go and let down that cuff on those jean shorts that I think are too short…I don’t think she’ll even notice.

Take a minute to be grateful for the battles you choose not to fight and also click on the commercial link above and have a laugh. I hope it makes you smile as much as it does me!

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give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.                                                                                                                         –1 Thessalonians 5:18 

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Listen Up!

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Many people talk about how the Lord speaks to them.  It may be an audible voice, it may simply be a feeling or intuition or it could be a bunch of circumstances that seem to be pointing you in a certain direction.  For me, I guess it is through my daily devotion time.  Last week I had a perfect example of this.

All week long I struggled with my son who has Reactive Attachment Disorder.  If you don’t know what it is, take a look at some of my previous blogs, but know that this disorder causes chaos in a family. Monday, my journal reads “I woke to two loads of P’s stinking dirty, wet laundry in my washer and my dryer. Wet. Old. Stinky. Not the way I wanted to start my day. ICK! So frustrating.” Wednesday reads, “Oh Lord, bombarded with positives and negatives all the time. Help me to see my part in the negatives. Help me to work on me.” Thursday says, “We had a bad day with P yesterday. He stole from my purse. I want so much more for him than he does. He punishes himself. Lord help him and change me to figure out what I am to do.” Friday reports, ” The school called to say the P had been inappropriate. So much garbage!”  Now, here’s where it gets good. Saturday: “I’m still struggling with Paul. It’s not my nature to be mean yet I wonder what it teaches him for me to give and give? Lord help me.”  So, obviously, I was angry at the events of the week and I was trying to be standoffish, trying to employ the silent treatment, trying to make sure he knew how displeased I was with him. That very morning, I saw a shirt that he needed me to sew and almost sewed it, but I didn’t want to be nice.  I stepped over his shoes instead of putting them away to prove that I didn’t have to care about his things.  However, as I mentioned, it’s not my nature to hold a grudge.  But, I asked the Lord to help me so that was a start.

I continued on with my devotions as I normally do and am currently reading a Once-a-Day Bible and was on Day 13.  I obediently read blah, blah, blah, I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; huh? I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High. What? I will? It says I will.  Good scripture. I’m moving on with my day, not dwelling on the negatives.  I asked God for help and He will help and then I will tell of His wonderful deeds.  Wonder when that will be?!

Lastly, for my devotion time, I turn to a book I’m currently reading.  I open the book to where the bookmark is and read….and I kid you not….”When you are angry, humble yourself and give the anger-inducer more of Jesus.  You need to give the person who has angered you exorbitant amounts of mercy, love, forgiveness, and grace because that is what Jesus has given to you.”  I wrote “OUCH” in the margin. Think God might’ve been trying to tell me something? Yeah, so do I.

Knowing that I now had to “give thanks and tell of wonderful deeds” I used this example as an opening for Sunday School that morning.  God does use our lives to teach us more about Him.  Like the margin of my book says, sometimes I have to reply “ouch” to what He says! Be sure to listen up!

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A Book Review – 21 Days of Joy

 

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About the Book

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Title: 21 Days of Joy

Author: Kathy Ide

Genre: Non-fiction, Devotional

Release Date: April 1, 2016

Tour Dates: April 28 – May 11

Oh, the joys—and struggles—of

motherhood!

21 Days of Joy honors mothers of all varieties. Biological moms. Adoptive moms. Stepmothers. Grandmothers. Godmothers. “Second moms.” Even men who “mother” children when circumstances put them in that position.

Whether you are a mother, have one, or know one, these heartwarming fictional stories will touch your soul and help you see that you are not alone. The work you’re doing will have an impact for eternity. And those rewards will make the trials all worthwhile.

God knows every sacrifice you make for the children He has brought into your life. So take a few moments out of your busy schedule to read this book, and get a glimpse of your daily routine from a divine perspective.

Compiler and editor KATHY IDE has written fiction and nonfiction books and is the author of Proofreading Secrets of Best-Selling Authors. She is a professional freelance editor and the founder and director of two organizations for editorial freelancers. She has ghostwritten ten nonfiction books and a series of five novels. Kathy makes her home in Orange County, California.

Click here to purchase your copy.

About the Author

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Compiler and editor KATHY IDE has been a published author since 1989. She has written fiction and nonfiction books and is the author of Proofreading Secrets of Best-Selling Authors. She has ghostwritten ten nonfiction books and a series of five novels. She also writes columns of writing and editing tips for blogs and newsletters. Kathy makes her home in Orange County, California.

Q & A with Kathy Ide

Tell us a little about yourself.

I’ve been writing for publication since 1989 and I’ve been a full-time freelance editor since 1998. I teach at writers’ conferences across the country, and I’m the director of the Orange County Christian Writers Conference here in Southern California. I’m also the founder and director of two organizations for freelance editors: the Christian Editor Connection and The Christian PEN: Proofreaders and Editors Network.

You’ve created a Fiction Lover’s Devotional series. What inspired you to gather a collection of short fiction stories to be used as devotions?

I’ve always loved Christian fiction, and I’ve seen the power of fiction to touch hearts and change lives, both firsthand and hearing about the experiences of others. But you know, in my quiet times with the Lord, reading a chapter from a novel just doesn’t seem quite appropriate. So a devotional with short fiction stories seemed like a great solution.

Tell us about the books in this series.

Each one contains 21 short fiction stories, followed by brief life applications, each written by a different author. Some contributors are best sellers, some are mid-range authors, and some are new writers. The first book was 21 Days of Grace: Stories that Celebrate God’s Unconditional Love. That came out June 1st of last year. The second book, 21 Days of Christmas, released on September 1st. 21 Days of Love came out January 1st.

Tell us about this third book, 21 Days of Joy.

21 Days of Joy: Stories that Celebrate Mom contains stories about mothers of all varieties. Biological moms. Adoptive moms. Stepmothers. Grandmothers. Godmothers. “Second moms.” Even men who “mother” children when circumstances put them in that position. It makes a wonderful Mother’s Day gift. And it’s a great way to boost your spirit when dealing with your kids—or your mom—becomes challenging.

Tell us about some of the stories in 21 Days of Joy.

Some of the stories are about the struggles moms have dealing with their kids at various ages and stages. Others are about women dealing with their aging mothers. One story is about a young woman who thinks her dreams of having lots of kids are shattered when her fiance dumps her right before the wedding. There are a couple of stories about adopted kids meeting their biological moms. One story is about a barren woman who realizes she actually has lots of children. And one story, written by one of Bob Hope’s comedy writers, is a humorous tale of a woman who applies for the job of mother.

How do you hope readers will use 21 Days of Joy?

This book makes a great gift, with its beautiful debossed hardback cover, full-color interior, even a ribbon page marker. With stories about all kinds of mothers, it’s great for anyone who is a mom, has a mom, or knows a mom.

Like the other books in this series, 21 Days of Joy makes a wonderful daily devotional. And if you want to go deeper, you can get a Study Guide with additional questions about each of the stories. It will be available soon as a free PDF download at FictionDevo.com or as a 99-cent e-book from Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

What do you hope readers will get out of reading 21 Days of Joy?

I’m praying the Holy Spirit will speak to the hearts of everyone who reads this devotional about how much God has shown His love for them through the mothers in their lives, and what a tremendous impact women have in the lives of the children God has given them to love.

What is unique about this series?

Most devotionals contain true stories. And those are great! But so many believers today are big fans of Christian fiction … because fiction can be a powerful way to soak in spiritual truths and apply them to our daily lives. In this devotional, the authors share the themes and messages they see in the pieces they’ve written, and encourage readers to look for those types of things in these devotional stories as well as in other fictional things they might read.

What life circumstances worked together to put you in a position to be able to create this series?

Since I’ve been a professional freelance editor for several years, I’m able to edit the submissions I choose to use, polishing them without losing the author’s unique voice. And since I’ve been teaching and speaking at writers’ conferences across the country, I’ve connected with several authors at all levels, including well-known best sellers. So there are a lot of people I can personally ask about submitting to the books in this series. And I’ve developed a strong social media presence, so I can get the word out to other writers as well.

What other books have you written?

I wrote Proofreading Secrets of Best-Selling Authors, to help writers and editors learn how to proofread manuscripts for typos, inconsistencies, and errors in punctuation, usage, grammar, and spelling, according to the industry-standard guidelines.

What do you do besides write?

Read, of course. And go to movies. I also love to travel with my husband. We visit our out-of-state relatives (when they’re not visiting us—which happens often since we live in Southern California). We also enjoy going jet skiing, and camping in our RV.

Can you share some of the names of the authors who have contributed stories to the devotional?

Absolutely! 21 Days of Joy has chapters written by well-known, best-selling novelists, including Deborah Raney, Lynette Sowell, Mary DeMuth, Sherry Kyle, and New York Times best-selling author Cindy Woodsmall. There are also stories by writers you may not have heard of. At the end of each chapter is an author bio that gives some background information, and usually the author’s website. So if you really like a story in the devotional, you can find out what else that author has written. You may just find some new names to add to your favorites list.

And if you haven’t read much Christian fiction, this devotional will give you a small taste of several different authors and genres, without having to commit to reading an entire novel. You might just discover that you actually love Christian fiction!

Where can people purchase the books?

They’re available online at Amazon, ChristianBook.com, Barnes & Noble, and other websites. If you go to FictionDevo.com, you’ll find several links that will take you directly to the ordering pages for all of the books in the series. You can also find them at many Christian bookstores and Barnes & Noble stores.

Review

What a great gift this book would make for a woman in your life…especially a woman who likes fiction and maybe hasn’t even thought of taking time to do a daily devotion.  I believe that this book would get her hooked on both.  The short stories can be read in about 15 minutes, but the life application lesson at the end of each chapter will need to be thought over for longer.  The chapters deal with different life challenges including forgiveness, gentleness, self-worth and acceptance.  The situations in this book are diverse and I believe you will find something for everyone.  As we journey to pursue Joy we end up recognizing that there are some things we need to consider and take into account on our way.  The life application lessons help us to do that.  The characters in each story become our friends and as root for them to find joy and happiness, we, too, will begin to seek it for ourselves.

I received a copy of this book from Celebrate Lit. The review is my own.

Blog Stops

Texas Book-aholic, April 28

Blossoms and Blessings, April 29

Debbie’s Dusty Deliberations, April 30

Janices book reviews, May 1

Captive Dreams Window, May 2

Mary Hake, May 2

Jeanette’s Thoughts, May 3

Moments Dipped in Ink, May 4

Simple Harvest Reads, May 4 (Guest post from Mindy Houng)

Bibliophile Reviews, May 5

Carpe Diem, May 6

A Baker’s Perspective, May 7

Bigreadersite, May 7

Artistic Nobody, May 8 (Spotlight)

Margaret Kazmierczak, May 9

proud to be an autism mom, May 10

Beck to Basics, May 10

Aryn the Libraryan, May 11

Giveaway

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To celebrate her tour, Kathy is giving away a hardback copy of 21 Days of Grace and an eBook copy of 21 days of Joy to two winners!!

Click below to enter. Be sure to comment on this post before you enter to claim 9 extra entries! https://promosimple.com/ps/cc8e

 

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Laughter Props

IMG_3717I was having a bad morning.  It’s behind me now, but in the heat of the moment, it’s hard to believe that the day can be saved, but it always can!  You can change the way the morning is going by redirecting your thoughts.  In my house, I do that with Laughter Props.  Silly, little goofy things that keep my heart light and bring my attention away from my problems and onto something fun.

The haggard lady in the above picture sits on my kitchen window sill.  Along with a plastic platypus, a plastic cardinal with wings that flap when the sun is shining and a tiny Mexican turtle, just to name a few.  My studio shelf holds a Furby, a duck that squawks when you grab him by the neck and a photo of my friend & I dressed like Pirates complete with her front tooth blacked out.  All things that make me chuckle when I look at them.  I hold on to photos from photo booths, little stuffed animals, and Happy Meal toys if they make me smile.

Today when I angrily threw the spoon into the sink and the sign that says, “Laughter is the Best Medicine” fell into the sink with a clunk, I decided I would try just that and I laughed! I hope you find something that makes you laugh and sit it somewhere you can see it often.  Maybe it will even be a printout of my favorite lady above!

 

 He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.                                                                                                                                                                      –Job 8:21

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.                                                                                                                                                         –Prov. 31:25

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