Nowhere To Go !

No.  There sincerely is nowhere to go.  We have a son with Reactive Attachment Disorder.  What does that mean?  That he appears healthy and well on the outside and his inside is filled with rage and distrust of his parents.  To others, he’s a sweet, charming, polite kid.  To his adoptive parents, he’s a thief, a liar, a menace.  And we took an oath and adopted him.  Because of his early care…or lack thereof, he has decided he doesn’t want to love, so anytime, he finds himself getting closer to us, he does something off the wall to push us away.  And, each time, the push needs to be harder.

As a toddler, it was little sneaky things, an extra cookie, a stolen video game.  Now, as he approaches adulthood, it’s a stolen gun, a broken TV, and stolen car keys. No matter how much instruction he receives, it appears he will self-destruct in his own poor choices.

I’d like to say that this morning was a shocker,  but this traumatizing event was just another day.  Another day of lies, violence, screaming and a home ruled by mental illness.  I’d like to say this is rare, but quite the opposite.  This is how we live.

The aftermath leaves us bruised physically and scarred emotionally.  He rages, goes to school and I receive a message that says, “Paul has arrived safely at school.”  I reply, “Mom and Dad are traumatized at home.”

So, after a morning like this, what are we going to do?  Should we heed the advice of many caring concerned people?  “He should go somewhere.  You can’t live like this anymore.”  I agree 100%!  He should go somewhere.  Where might that be?  There is no special place for kids with RAD.  There is no known therapy that cures, there is no group home, there is no residential treatment facility with an open bed waiting for me in this moment.  In this moment, there are text messages to friends who may or may not be able to help me today.  A wait for a psychiatric bed in a hospital could be months, a call to the police would have them responding to a situation that would diffuse on their arrival.  He needs to go somewhere. There is nowhere to go!

Last week I had the opportunity to attend a RAD support group meeting where I met 8 other families with kids just like mine.  Amazing.  We are not alone though society would think we were.  We live in an isolated existence where no one knows what to say or how to help.  We laughed, we shared war stories, we understood.  Today I texted a few of those families and received cyber hugs & support.  Today’s pain is raw and feels huge….however, when I am once again in the comfort of these special people in a few weeks, we will have a laugh over my husband burning my son’s mattress.  We will joke about us finding the hidden cigarette lighters and stolen cheese. We will laugh on the outside and cry on the inside as we each lose a little more hope each day.  Oh, how I wish that didn’t have to happen.  That we could have hope.

A statement my 9-year-old reminds me of at times like these: “Mom, remember you always say, ‘You can steal my money, but you can’t steal my joy!'” Maybe I need to apply it to hope.  “You can steal my cell phone, but you can’t steal my hope.”

This morning I screamed, I cried, I raged.  Today I will post scriptures and messages about patience and will strive to look at things above.  I will try to turn the events around so that I can survive another day, another evening…even another moment.  I will search deeply for hope.  It is my HOPE that we will all make it through.  That we will somehow heal, somehow cope.  There is no place to go.  We have to figure out how to live and have hope here. “Be patient, then brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming.” Someday we will be able to go there.

Proverbs 13:12

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Psalm 62:5

Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.

⁷ Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. ⁸ You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near.  –James 5:7-8

Are You Plugged In?

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.               2 Timothy 3: 16-17

During some rough play in my family room, tiny items fell off of a shelf and landed behind the TV stand. They remained there for quite a while as I dreaded the task of looking for them among the cords and dust bunnies. Finally a friend offered to take on the task for me and her findings were great.  In the tangled web of cords and dust she found the little glass teddy bear drinking a cup of tea and also 4 cords that were either not plugged in at all or were plugged in at one end only.  They were actually power cords that were providing power to nothing.

This reminded me of our scripture reading. Sometimes our Bibles are like those power cords, powerful, yet not plugged in to anything.  Timothy explained that all scripture is God-breathed and useful.  However, just like power cords, it is only useful if it is used as it was intended.  We will grow in our faith and our relationship with God as we read and allow His word to teach, rebuke, correct and train us in righteousness.  The Bible is our powerful connection to the One in charge.  To leave it buried in a stack of books collecting dust would be as effective as those worthless cords behind my TV.  I challenge you to find your Bible and plug in to your power source.

 

Be Careful What You Read

A few years ago, my book club had tackled a couple of substantial novels.  We read The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis, Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe and The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot to name a few.  As the holidays were approaching, we decided to lighten up and choose a fun, easy read for December.  We were going to read The Trouble With Angels by Debbie Macomber.  The review said, “A delightful sequel featuring three heavenly but feather-brained angelic messengers.  Inspired by the success last Christmas, Shirley, Goodness, and Mercy return to answer the prayers of three troubled mortals and ensure a holiday season filled with love and joy.”  Just what the doctor ordered for a light hearted Christmas read.  Or one would think… until you encounter a “real” doctor who thought otherwise.

While reading this book, I had an appointment with a dermatologist (who shall remain nameless.)  He kept me waiting for over an hour, but thanks to my simple read, I was entertained.  However, any time in a waiting room is too much and after 60 minutes, even with a good book, I was starting to get annoyed.  Trying to stay positive (remember it was Christmas and goodwill was to be promoted), I kept quiet and kept reading.  Finally, I was called into the exam room where I donned a pair of paper shorts and waited some more. Finally, the door opened and in walked the doctor.  I handed him my book to place on the counter so I could give him my full attention.  He placed his attention on the back cover of my book where he read the above summary.  In a very patronizing tone, he read the entire cover taking up my valuable time and my dignity.  Slightly embarrassed, I explained that my book club group was intentional in choosing literary fluff for the season.  I knew at that moment that I would not be returning to see this doctor again.  Not only was he condescending and arrogant, but he made me wait and then wait again, and then wait even longer while he took the time to read a jacket cover!  i sincerely believe that he treated me in this way based on what I was reading.  He judged me.

Fast forward a few years when once again I found myself in a waiting room.  I had fallen and broken my hand and as a distraction, I took along my book club book to pass the time. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck.  The door opened and in walked the doctor.  I handed him my book to place on the counter so I could give him my full attention.  He briefly placed his attention on the title and said, “Wow.  A little light reading?  I’m impressed.”  We went on to discuss the book as he treated my hand and he treated me with dignity and respect.  He, too, judged me.  I believe, my treatment in both cases was based on the book in my hand.

Journalist PJ O’Rourke said, “Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it” and I have to agree.  I promise you that I now am mindful of what I am reading when I head to the doctors’.  I pick up the book I am currently reading and if I am satisfied that my doctor would approve, I take it with me.  If not, I just reach under the seat of my car and grab my copy of War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy and head into the office.  I hold it in my hand and then scroll through Facebook or Surf the Web on my phone until the exam room door opens.  Judge away!