Dear Adult Children,

Dear Adult Children,

This is 2020 and it is a very special time. It will soon be Christmas and the holidays haven’t been the same for you.  You missed Thanksgiving and now you will miss Christmas at home. On Thanksgiving morning, not only did you miss the homemade Turkey, Stuffing, and Noodles, but you also missed me yelling for you to get out the door to go to Mimi’s on time and you missed me rolling my eyes when you showed up a bit late to Grandma’s with the appetizer. You missed working hard all week, rushing home from work, and getting in a car to drive in traffic 6-8 hours for a rushed weekend.

Typically, today, the day before Christmas Eve you would be getting in a car, or boarding a flight and rushing home. My heart aches that that isn’t happening this year and I woke in tears this morning, but in addition to my sadness, I also have appreciation.  I recognize what you go through to be “home for the holidays.”

So this year is different.  You have the opportunity to experience Jesus’s birthday in your own unique way.  I pray that you find ways to celebrate with the ones you love (& I do recognize you have loved ones who don’t live in this small town.) Be a light wherever you are. Enjoy the uniqueness of Christmas 2020, go and do. Treasure this time. Appreciate this time. 

And know. It will never be as easy as this year to let Mom know you’d like to celebrate Christmas differently and in your own way, with your own loved ones. Now, go and enjoy Christmas because I expect you’ll be busy making your travel plans to Chicora for Christmas 2021 as soon as you can!

I love you.

I Really Didn’t Know There’d Be The Day…

Today Kaylee had a friend over and while they were practicing a dance number in the living room, I was vacuuming my bedroom.  As I mindlessly pushed the vacuum over minimal dirt, I had a random thought.  I thought I should send a message to Brianna, Erica, or Taylor to let them know what I was doing.

Brianna, Erica, and Taylor are my other daughters’ friends.  They are grown women with homes of their own now, but I was reflecting on how different their visits to our home were than that of today’s guest. When these three came to visit they found a home full of kids and chaos.  Piles of laundry everywhere, open bags of chips on the couch, crying babies, loud music, whining, leftover scraps of paper from school projects, and dust enough to write in. That was the status of the home they visited. Full of love, but full of mess.

Today’s home is also full of love, but not full of mess.  This isn’t to say that I took a class on housework and now have mastered the skill, this is just to say that the chaos has grown and moved on and so have we. All but one of the kids is gone and with it, they took their busy schedules, their dirty laundry, and their favorite snacks.  They took with them the hustle and bustle and supplies that are necessary to entertain 5 + kids (we often had foster children) and the mess. This new guest has been to our home a few times and never once before her arrival did I need to grab a laundry basket to pick up a random soccer ball, dance costume, or dirty dishes.  I haven’t run through the house shutting doors or warning my daughter which room not to enter. I’ve not even had a need to rush out to the driveway to say “hello” to her parents in the hopes that they wouldn’t make it to the door.  Things are just different now. Quieter. Cleaner. Easier to maintain. I thought of this guest’s mother. She is a full time working mom with 3 kids ages 12 and under.  I bet she has unfinished puzzles on her table, books strewn across the floor somewhere, and a missing tennis shoe.  I’m not judging her, I’m remembering her. We are simply in different phases and I hope she isn’t judging me either. I hope she knows that I once was her and she will be me someday too.  Neither phase is good or bad, just different.

So, if your home is tidy or if your home is messy, live in it and enjoy it. Appreciate what you have and even what you might not have anymore.  It’s all good. And if you still have lots of kids at home, know that some Saturday not only will you have time to vacuum your bedroom (instead of slamming the door shut) but you will also have time to write about it!

Lord, Why Don’t I Trust You?

Oh Lord, why don’t I trust you? I should. I really should. I’ve read your Word long enough to know that your promises are in there and I have seen them play out in real life and yet I still don’t always trust you quick enough.

I just watched a video of my son riding his bike across the country while staying with people he met on the internet. He returned safely. That should prove it.

My other son took a gun, loaded it, headed to the woods and shot his thumb. The healing of that thumb without surgical intervention is amazing not to mention the many blessings in the miracles and the people that surrounded us during that time. You certainly proved you were trustworthy then.

My daughter traveled to foreign countries and stayed at random Air BnB’s as a college student. A daughter’s dream, a mother’s nightmare. You remained faithful.

My other daughter got very sick while living states away, went through a spinal tap, medical tests of all sorts and eventually was simply healed. You are so good.

Custody battles with my youngest daughter resulted in visits with abusive parents unsupervised for 4 years before parental rights were terminated and we could ensure her safety and you were with her and us each step of the way to work out your plan of permanence. I doubted, but you stayed true.

There have been broken hearts, car accidents, shootings, diagnosis, mental health emergencies, complicated pregnancies, a flood, sicknesses, risky travel, legal problems & loss and you have masterfully helped us through it all.  You continue to amaze me with your presence yet I still question at times and it is still hard for me to trust. And sometimes I can’t trust you with the littlest of things.

Albert Einstein said the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. It appears that I’m not only distrustful, but I’m also insane. Because God, you have proven time and time again that you are able and willing to help me in all that I do and yet I question. Am I expecting you not to? Am I expecting a different result?

In addition to being distrustful and insane, I am also wrong.

God, you are trustworthy. You have proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt. I hope I can remember that the next time! Forgive me for my unbelief.

Readers, I challenge you to make a list of all the things you didn’t think would work out the way they did.  I think you will see that you can trust him too!

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
    but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.  –Psalm 20:7

Trust in the Lord forever,
    for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal. –Isaiah 26:4

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. –Psalm 56:3

 

 

 

Looking for Kindness or Compassion?

I am raising a 13-year-old girl.  (Applause please.)  No, seriously, I am raising a 13-year-old daughter and the truth is I’ve done this twice before, so I know I will survive it, but this time around I seem to struggle more with this reality.  The fact is 13-year-old girls are mean.  Not all of the girls all of the time, but all of the girls some of the time, including my daughter and yours!  The variable of this fact is that you never know which girl may be mean at which time.  My daughter will come home from school one day and say, “Can so-and-so come over to spend the night?” And I have to respond, “Is she even speaking to you this week?”  So, one minute, best friend, next minute, not speaking.  And, from what I’m hearing, this is not just occurring in my home, but in homes of Junior High girls everywhere. I googled “mean girls” and got 1,760,000,000 results in only 1.7 seconds! So I’m certain it just isn’t my daughter or in my house!

This fall I’ve been wondering what I, as a concerned mom, can do about it.  I decided that any time I had a captive audience (which means I’m driving teen girls somewhere) I would instill a message of kindness.  So, the standard “lecture” goes like this: “Hey, welcome! You get to get a quick little lecture from me! Have you ever had someone not talking to you? (the answer is always yes!) How does that feel? (bad, obviously.) Then, for goodness sake, don’t do that to someone else!  I am here to tell you that you should be kind.  Just be kind.  If everyone would just start acting kind no one would have to feel that way.” So in less than one minute, I can suggest that this teen be kind.  I then, write the name of that person on a silk leaf, place it on the wall and add members to this elite group when I can.  Currently there 12 girls who have officially been prompted to be kind.

But today, I wonder if I am missing something.  I’ve been talking a lot about random acts of kindness and kindness in general, but being kind means to just be friendly, generous and considerate.  All good qualities, but with these teen girls, I think we need to elevate it a bit and get them to become compassionate.  Compassion is being sympathetic and showing concern for others. So, while kindness may make us do something for someone, compassion is a feeling.  I want these girls to recognize how their actions make others feel. I think that alone will motivate them to be kinder.

It’s one thing to sit with a lonely person at lunch so that you can tell your mom that you did it later when she asks, but it’s another to really look at this lonely person and feel what she feels. To sit with someone that no one else is sitting with because you care about their feelings because you know what it would feel like if it were you.  That’s what I want these girls to recognize.

So, I guess I will modify the “lecture” a bit and promote compassion over kindness, and I also think I will recognize for myself that this, too, will pass. In a few short years, these girls will have survived this awkward mean stage and will truly become who they were meant to be!

Be Kind & compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. — Ephesians 4:32

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. — Col 3:12

Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one antoher, be compassionate and humble. –1 Peter 3:8

A Book Review -Teaching Art in the Primary Grades

About the Book

Book: Teaching Art

Author: Jerry E. Twitchell

Genre: Nonfiction  EDUCATION/Teaching Methods & Materials/Arts & Humanities

Release Date: February 20, 2019

As Simple as 1-2-3

Everything needed to structure and teach an effective art program for grades one to three is made simple for the home-school parent or teacher.

This step-by-step process for teaching art is perfect for home-school teachers or parents with limited art skills or time to create their own programs. This system of insight, responses to judgments, ideas, and feelings aligns with public school and state visual arts requirements.

Teaching Art in the Primary Grades is designed to foster lifelong interest in the arts, provide a gauge of what can be expected of children at various ages and grade levels, and present a baseline for measuring growth and skill.

Lesson plans with goals, objects, time frames, techniques, steps, illustrated examples, and assessment of growth are included.

Click here to get your copy.

 

“Time for Art!”

Jerry E. Twitchell’s book Teaching Art in the Primary Grades does all the work for you so that you can simply say “Time for Art!” and dive right in. This 319-page book appealed to me from the moment I saw the cover and the simple structure.  The introduction prepares you to confidently teach art skills to your students. The grades are divided by units and lessons complete with goals, expectations, and ways to assess progress.

As a former homeschooling mom, I could envision my daughters completing each session.  While instructing on cutting, modeling, drawing, painting, and weaving,etc., Twitchell looks at so much more than simply the procedure. He adds important reminders regarding the child’s development, self-worth, and pride.  He reminds the teacher/parent to be aware of the differences in artistic abilities and achievements and also gives instances where the art project can be integrated into other academic subjects. He gives many examples of open-ended questions to ask the child so that you can encourage their creativity while furthering communication and understanding.

Though presented in an appealing simplistic way, it is not lacking in educational merit. It is full of concepts and terminology that were new to me. (I must admit that I didn’t know a weft from a warp, do you?) The author’s love of children and love of art is evident on each page and I believe that using this book as a curriculum will foster a love of art in all. I look forward to sharing this book with our school district’s art teacher!

About the Author

Jerry E. Twitchell, DEd, is a retired educational administrator and art and history instructor. With over thirty years of experience as a teacher and principal, Jerry has nurtured primary through secondary students to experience the excitement of art. In his work with parents, teachers, and especially children, he has sought to bring to life a love and passion for art.

More from Jerry

Ever since I was young, I have always loved art.  It was only natural for me to be teaching and sharing the love of art to young people. Over the years, a number of parents, students and fellow teachers and administrators suggested that I should write a book about teaching art, particularly to the emerging beginning artist.  This would hopefully help them gain confidence in themselves in return would flow into their reading and writing subjects. After retiring, pondering and headaches, I started putting it together and throwing around ideas to myself on what should be included and “Wala”…..here it is.

Blog Stops

Library Lady’s Kid Lit, September 11

Truth and Grace Homeschool Academy, September 12

Mary Hake, September 12

A Baker’s Perspective, September 13 (Author Interview)

Debbie’s Dusty Deliberations, September 14

Kathy Anderson, September 14

Vicky Sluiter, September 15

Lis Loves Reading, September 16

Creating Romance, September 17

janicesbookreviews, September 18

Texas Book-aholic, September 19

Quiet Workings, September 19

A Reader’s Brain, September 20

Older & Smarter?, September 21

Inklings and notions , September 22

Little Homeschool on the Prairie, September 23

The Artist Librarian, September 23

For Him and My Family, September 24

Beck To Basics, September 24

Giveaway

To celebrate his tour, Jerry is giving away Gift basket with Basic art Supplies, Stack Card and a Athabascan People of The North coloring book!!

Be sure to comment on the blog stops for nine extra entries into the giveaway! Click the link below to enter.

https://promosimple.com/ps/ec3a/teaching-art-celebration-tour-giveaway

NOTE: I received a complimentary copy of this book through Celebrate Lit. My comments are an independent and honest review. The rest of the copy of this post was provided by Celebrate Lit.

Shut the Window

A few weeks ago, I had a very trying few days.  It seemed that everyone I knew was going through something that caused me concern.  I would talk to one person and hear about their struggles and wonder how I could help.  I talked to another and hear their worries and wondered how I could help.  I, myself, had a bunch of things going on and my mind was racing with how I was going to deal with each situation that needed to be addressed.  I spent my evening considering all the possibilities and had no clear answers on anything.

I dreaded bedtime, knowing that when it’s time for my body to shut down, it often signals my mind to wake up and worry.  Very frustrated, I went to bed, and couldn’t fall asleep.  The windows were open at our river house this warm evening and the songs of the crickets and frogs were not bringing me peace. As a matter of fact, the more I listened the louder they sounded and the more alert I became.  “What am I going to do about this noise?!  What am I going to do about these things I am worried about?!”  All of a sudden, an answer came to me….Shut the window.  Seriously?  Shut the window?  It’s that simple?  I got up and shut the window and the sound of silence filled my bedroom. The noise stopped.  I realized then that I could do the same thing with worries and concerns.  I could shut the window to the outside noises and problems that were confronting me.  Every time a worrying thought came to mind, I chose to shut it out.  I found that by “shutting the window” to those nagging concerns and thoughts, I could fall asleep.

I shared this story with my friend and the following week I got a T-Shirt in the mail and it had “Shut the Window” printed on the front.  Friends, it is that simple.  We can choose to shut the window to a lot of situations in our lives and we can give those concerns to God. “Do not let your hearts be troubled, You believe in God.”  It’s that simple…..Shut the window.

John 14:1-4     Jesus Comforts His Disciples (The title could read “Jesus Comforts Insert your name.)

14 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God^[a]; believe also in me. ² My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. ⁴ You know the way to the place where I am going.”

“Please Pray”

Well actually it said “Please Pry” but I knew what he meant.  I received the familiar text while visiting my Mom. The pit in my stomach is as real as the PTSD I suffer from parenting a child from hard places.  I now get to sit and wait for the phone to ring with the explanation of why I need to pray.

It could be that a friend is sick, it could be that he lost his key or more probable, he’s in trouble.   He admitted at work to some wrongdoing on Friday so I knew that he may be facing consequences today and I thought I prepared him mentally for this.  Did I?  Does he “get it?”  Will he learn from these consequences? Is there any way to rectify this wrong? I don’t know because I don’t even know what I’m praying about.

But, I do pray. When the bible says to “pray without ceasing” I didn’t realize that it meant that I would pray without ceasing for this child from the moment I met him. I didn’t realize that he would be in constant need of prayer. And, I definitely need more direction for the prayer. WHAT IS GOING ON? What am I praying about? There is a chance that I am the one needing prayer.  I need prayer to actually be able to pray about this situation whatever it is.  I am betting that I need to pray that I will have the grace to handle the call when it comes. I need strength to hear about yet another failing. I need prayer to not allow this situation to undo all the good that we have been working on.

So, you know what…I will pray.  I will be thankful and pray that he will use the skills that he has been gifted with. I will pray that he is with someone who can comfort him. I will pray that the consequence is fair and just. I will pray that he will learn from his mistake. But in all honesty, I’m praying that the phone will ring and that this suspense will be over soon!

I’d like to tell you that I will fill you in later, but chances are, it won’t be something that I will care to share.  BUT, I will give God the glory for getting us through whatever it is that we are going through.

And, hey, “please pray.”

 

Pray without ceasing.  1 Thessalonians 5:17

Dear Person,

 

Dear Person who was kind to my kid,                                                        I applaud you. I thank you. I am so grateful for all that you’ve done for him. You and I are a lot alike. We care deeply for Paul. We see the potential and the way he manages his disabilities and we are amazed at all he can accomplish with his limited IQ and other challenges. We see his charm and we love the way he can make us smile at times.

However, we also can be disappointed, resentful, and frustrated by him in a way we didn’t think was possible. We question his motives and exhaust ourselves trying to figure out why he does what he does.  Why would he not follow a simple rule? How could he take advantage of us like that? What does he expect from us? We give and give and give and he just takes. We try to teach him, we come up with plans, we motivate, coach and inspire and some days, he does things that make us wonder why we ever bothered.

Paul has Reactive Attachment Disorder and whether you have to deal with it for 9 months or a lifetime, you will never understand it. It is a maddening mental health diagnosis where because of early childhood trauma, he has difficulty forming bonds with others.  He can appear kind and caring on the surface, but in his heart, he protects himself from getting close to others who have the potential to reject him as his own biological parents did. He was denied the basic right as a baby to be cared for and nurtured, so he doesn’t value things the way we do.  His brain developed differently than ours and in instances when we would seek others, he pushes others away before they can reject him to “protect” himself.  He is in survival mode at all times and truly only trusts and relies on himself.  He is very uncomfortable being dependent on others.

I’ve been trying to wrap my brain around RAD for over 15 years and recognize that this is beyond my understanding. I will never understand why praise would make him uncomfortable. I will never understand why he self-sabotages the good things in his life, why he breaks his own belongings, why he hurts himself, why he can’t see how much others care for him and want him to be happy.  Why he can’t accept love.

As a person who was loved and cared for as an infant and toddler, as a person who had someone pick her up when she cried, who fed her when she was hungry & who sang to her and kissed her boo-boos, I am incapable of understanding and feeling his pain or understanding his brain.

Paul is an adult. He is minutes away from transitioning completely out of my home and the security of the school system. I’m sure he’s scared to death.  I must admit, I’m scared too. During his school years, he has met so many wonderful people who worked with him and wanted the best for him. He has had the opportunity to learn many skills and he even implements many of them, but he can’t be taught some of the things that are so basic to us.

So, friend, if you are hurt, disappointed or resentful, I’m sorry.  I validate your very real feelings. I encourage you to only give what you don’t expect back. I encourage you to take care of yourself and your feelings. I beg you to see your success in working with him from what you put into him and not what he’s given back. I can’t promise you, but it is my hope (and hope is what I cling to!) that those things that it seems like he isn’t quite getting right now, will surface later.  You may not get to see the success you are so hoping for in his life, but please feel success in your own about all you are teaching him. I am slowly learning to do that myself!

God Bless You!

Linda

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Some reminders: “His brain is broken. – It will never make sense to us. – Don’t allow his craziness to become your craziness. – He just doesn’t get it. – It’s not that he doesn’t want to, he just can’t. – We are only responsible for our own behaviors, not his. – Protect yourself. – He’s not losing sleep over it, you shouldn’t either.”

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There is surely a hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.  –Proverbs 23:18

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And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. — Romans 8:28

 

 

Tuesday News Day!

Sarah is working on a new procedure at work, Nicole bought a TV, Lori had her friends build a human pyramid, Kevin made a new friend, Paul saw a movie, Linda was sick with the flu, Kaylee had a school snow day, Cale bought a couch and George has been busy cleaning up after the house flooded. These are all examples of the latest news in our family.

Starting in January 2019, I wanted to come up with a way to stay in communication with all of my kids who live in varying parts of the country and to try to keep them in contact with each other.  Hence, the creation of Tuesday’s News Day!  The group text is sent to Seattle, Denver, Richmond, New Castle and to some within the same house.  I begin with a short recap text of what I’ve been up to in the last week and invite the rest to chime in.  It’s been such a fun, easy way to learn more about each other and what our typical or less than typical week looks like.

Scrolling past over the last 8 weeks I see where I finished reading Little Women, George is grateful for the book Cale bought him for Christmas, Nicole spent time in Florida, Kevin has been trying new recipes, Sarah binged on a podcast, Cale is trying to walk more, Lori took a Lyra class, Kaylee was cast in a musical & Paul went with his Dad to see the movie Escape Room.

Though I wish we all lived closer, I take comfort in knowing that on Tuesday, my phone will chime multiple times as people report in.  Gone are the days of waiting for handwritten letters in the mail, even live voice phone calls are sometimes hard to fit in, but the well-timed Tuesday text brings joy to all!

“How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the gospel of peace,
Who bring glad tidings of good things!”  –Romans 10:15 NKJ

I’m so grateful to those who bring glad tidings!!

Remind Me

Christmas is coming….just a few days away.  I have tons to do and the recent days have been full of obligations and to-do lists.  Things I have to do and those things that I feel I have to do and moments of not being able to figure out which is which.  I’ve struggled this year with a minor lack of holiday cheer and I even admitted to someone that I find that I am a better Christian and more charitable and giving other months of the year and I’m not even sure that is a bad thing.  This time of year is full of expectations and the fact that I am so busy doing Christmas prep, I don’t have as much time to be as giving as I am at other times.  My door is always open and my kitchen table is always welcoming anyone who will sit for a cup of tea, but right now, you’d be hard pressed to find me at home to enjoy it. I like to surprise people with unexpected note cards and letters, but this year, I don’t have time to prepare cards. I’ve been known to bake treats and deliver them to friends and neighbors, but gift shopping has taken up my time for that.  So, you see, this year, I’m just not “feeling it.” I long for more leisurely days and quieter times.

That said, this year is a bit different than other years. My kids are growing and/or grown and traditions we once held dear don’t really matter as they once did. Three of my kids live out of state so the shopping and shipping make gift giving a challenge. My oldest has recently graduated from college and is moving to Seattle on Christmas Day. Throw in a few general concerns and situations on the home front and I’m fighting the urge to say “Bah Humbug!”  I won’t though, because I know the true reason for the season AND, I just have to remember what I’ve celebrated so far this season. I’m writing this publicly so when I get sad that my Christmas Holiday gets cut short by my oldest moving to Seattle on December 25th (Yes, I said that again. I think if I keep saying it, I might get used to the idea?)…remind me.

Remind me that:

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family, a full house of laughs & good food and too much stuffing.

I went on an annual Christmas Shopping outing with a friend on the day that our town didn’t have any electricity.  The mall decorations and lights were a real treat when I didn’t have any at home.

I attended Chicora Light -Up Night where Kaylee was able to perform her solo even though she was fighting a major sore throat and cold.

I made 8 batches of hard tack with my Mom and all of my daughters. We even went out of the box and made a Cotton Candy flavor.

I kicked off the Salvation Army Kettle Drive in our community.

I visited my Aunt Garnet with my mom and sister.

I went to Volant and donated books to the Amish for them to use as Christmas gifts.

I painted a Christmas Canvas with a friend.  I just love my Red Truck with a tree in the bed!

Rehearsals were held and I was able to spend some time with some of the cutest Shepherds, Angels, and Mice I know!

A morning was filled with laughs and discussion at book club as we discussed a Christmas Fiction.

I had lunch with a friend.

Kaylee wowed me with her solo at the Jr. High Christmas Concert & the music those kids performed was amazing….and really fun!

I decorated and enjoyed a Christmas dinner with 30 of the women from church.

I hosted a dinner party. I figured I wanted to invite others over to see and enjoy my Christmas decorations. We had a fun time!

I enjoyed a tureen luncheon and Children’s Christmas Pageant at church.  I couldn’t have been more proud of that gang!  They did a wonderful job!

George & I have had fun shopping. (Always a great excuse for a meal out!)

I taught a 4 week Sunday School Class on A Christmas Carol.

I went out for dinner and to see the Christmas lights with George, Paul, and Kaylee.

I had a Christmas lunch out with my Mom, my Aunt Jean, my sister, my daughter, and 7 cousins.

I’ve baked cookies, made snacks and made hard tack with George, Kevin, and Nicole.

I invited my Brother and Sister in Law over for an evening of Hallmark Movie Bingo. We watched until someone got bingo and then we started a new movie. (We didn’t need to watch the end to know what happened.)

I had a nice lunch out while Christmas shopping with my brother.

Today, Kevin left to finish packing up his house, Nicole has gone to a friend’s house, Paul is playing video games and George and Kaylee are at lessons.  It’s the first time I’ve had a minute to think in days.  And, as I ponder how I am going to “get through” this Christmas, I’ve finally had a chance to think about what I’ve already done. I’ve already celebrated Christmas many times and I have been filled with joy at each of these things.

I hope you have a chance to take a minute to remember all the things that you have already done that lead up to the actual big day.  Christmas is definitely more than just a single day.  It is even more than just a season. We truly should try to celebrate it all year long.