A Man Worth Missing

Oakwater Cove, Englewood Beach, Florida.

I miss Senior so much here.  It is his condo, his beach, his pool, his history.  It’s hard to not feel his loss in a very real way, but to also feel his presence in a very real way.

We arrived late, so we went to bed without noticing that every single thing in the condo shouts about his life.  His St. Jude ball cap on the hook, his bath scale that he used daily to monitor and maintain his health, his nail clippers, his little yellow pads of paper, and his walking stick he used to prevent him from getting old and using a cane.There are physical, practical things everywhere but greater still are the things that fill the space.

The trip to Walmart brought on tears because I didn’t need to buy the sweets that he liked.  The peanuts reminded me of the time he took us to see the Scrub Jays and he called them in with peanuts and they ate out of his hand. I put on sunscreen and hear him retelling the story of the time Larry Curtis applied sunscreen by just slapping a handful over his shoulder and it protected a perfect hand shape there, amazed at the efficacy of this new fangled high powered sunscreen that works. My husband paddles a kayak out on the gulf and I can almost see Senior swimming alongside him.  He loved to swim in this gulf. His straw hat, his deep tan, his ugly toenails, I miss it all. People pass me by as they walk the beach and I let them pass without so much as a glance and I know he would’ve greeted them and shared with them the story of the shark’s tooth he found while walking the beach. “I just saw something black and I gave it a toe flick and there it was! This big Shark’s tooth.” He would find out where they were from and how long they’ve known about this Florida hamlet he called his second home.Instead of greeting people, I sit here with my thoughts and my memories sad that we couldn’t keep making them, but absolutely grateful for each one we did!Sandcastles, trips to the Rookery, Dairy Queen, Sandflea races, Pelican Pete’s, Sundial on the Beach, word games, the swimming pool, digging for Coquinas, Board games, cocktails, the Dome flea market, and many sunsets, each one more beautiful than the one before.  I miss them all. There’s now a beautiful flowering Bougainvillea plant where I wish his smile was. This plant will greet those he no longer can.  It’s a tribute to him and his life well-lived.  Thank you Oakwater Cove, Englewood Beach, Florida for remembering.  A life well lived makes for a man worth missing.

Today’s September 11, 2002?

Mom: “Today’s September 11th”

Daughter: “I know.”

M: “How do you know?”

D: “I don’t know, but I put on this red, white & blue T-Shirt and I remembered.”

M: “What happened on Sept 11th?”

D: “Some bad guys drove a plane into 2 World Trade Center buildings.”

M: “Who were the bad guys?”

D: “Men from Afghanistan.”

M: “How many people died?”

D: “More than I can count.”

M: “3,000.”

D: “I think I counted to 1,000 one time.”

M: “What religion were the bad guys?”
D: “I don’t know.”

M: “What do you remember about last year at this time?”
D: “Well we were at school and everybody’s parents were picking the kids up from school and when I got home everyone was watching TV.”

M: “Did you know why the kids were being picked up?”

D: “Because parents didn’t think the kids were safe.”

M: “Did you know that at that time?”

D: “No, Miss Fair didn’t want to tell us.”

M: “Were you scared?”

D: “Not until I got home because I didn’t know what happened.”

M: “What else do you think about September 11th ?”
D: “I don’t know, everybody was sad and that’s all I remember.”

M: “How was school the day after September 11th?”

D: “Everybody was talking about it and teachers were asking questions.”
M: “What do you think the best thing that happened was because of September 11th? Anything?”
D: “I’m sure something good happened but I’m not sure what.”

M: “Why are you sure?”
D: “Because on the news they always say something good is happening in America.”

M: “Anything else you want to tell me?”
D: “I don’t think so.”

M: “Will you do anything special today because of September 11th?”
D: “Well, I’m wearing this shirt, and Mimi and Papa put up their flags, but I don’t know what else.”
M: “Do you think we should pray?”
D: “I suppose.”
M: “For anything in particular?”
D: “No, but we should pray because everyone else is….they’re having big prayer services.”
M: “So do you think prayer might be the good thing that happened because of September 11th?”

D: “Possibly.”

During the pandemic stay at home orders, I’ve taken a few moments to clean out some boxes in the basement and I came across this interview with my daughter. Very interesting. Our country was traumatized then and we have been traumatized now.  But, I want to share this interview to encourage parents to ask their kids what they are thinking about all that is going on.  And, I encourage you to write it down, so that when you come across it in 18 years and the trauma is a memory you can revisit a conversation you had with your child.  I know you will enjoy finding it as much as I enjoyed finding this.

I also share this to remind you that we have been through a tragic time in our country before and we made it to the other side…we were a little different after that, but we made it and we will again.

Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Exodus 15:2 The Lord is my strength and my song; he has given me victory. This is my God, and I will praise him—  my father’s God, and I will exalt him!

Psalm 9:9-10 The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

Psalm 32:7-8 You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.