Category Archives: Life

Whatever’s left after I give to God and my family.

A Man Worth Missing


Oakwater Cove, Englewood Beach, Florida.

I miss Senior so much here.  It is his condo, his beach, his pool, his history.  It’s hard to not feel his loss in a very real way, but to also feel his presence in a very real way.

We arrived late, so we went to bed without noticing that every single thing in the condo shouts about his life.  His St. Jude ball cap on the hook, his bath scale that he used daily to monitor and maintain his health, his nail clippers, his little yellow pads of paper, and his walking stick he used to prevent him from getting old and using a cane.There are physical, practical things everywhere but greater still are the things that fill the space.

The trip to Walmart brought on tears because I didn’t need to buy the sweets that he liked.  The peanuts reminded me of the time he took us to see the Scrub Jays and he called them in with peanuts and they ate out of his hand. I put on sunscreen and hear him retelling the story of the time Larry Curtis applied sunscreen by just slapping a handful over his shoulder and it protected a perfect hand shape there, amazed at the efficacy of this new fangled high powered sunscreen that works. My husband paddles a kayak out on the gulf and I can almost see Senior swimming alongside him.  He loved to swim in this gulf. His straw hat, his deep tan, his ugly toenails, I miss it all. People pass me by as they walk the beach and I let them pass without so much as a glance and I know he would’ve greeted them and shared with them the story of the shark’s tooth he found while walking the beach. “I just saw something black and I gave it a toe flick and there it was! This big Shark’s tooth.” IMG_2974 He would find out where they were from and how long they’ve known about this Florida hamlet he called his second home.Instead of greeting people, I sit here with my thoughts and my memories sad that we couldn’t keep making them, but absolutely grateful for each one we did!Sandcastles, trips to the Rookery, Dairy Queen, Sandflea races, Pelican Pete’s, Sundial on the Beach, word games, the swimming pool, digging for Coquinas, Board games, cocktails, the Dome flea market, and many sunsets, each one more beautiful than the one before.  I miss them all. There’s now a beautiful flowering Bougainvillea plant where I wish his smile was. This plant will greet those he no longer can.  It’s a tribute to him and his life well-lived.  Thank you Oakwater Cove, Englewood Beach, Florida for remembering.  A life well lived makes for a man worth missing.


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Happy Hand Washing?

unnamedIt’s been over a month and hopefully, you are still doing the recommended mitigation to stop the spread of the COVID virus;  Wash your hands, cough into your elbow, disinfect surfaces, wear a mask and stay home.  Nothing has changed with the guidelines, but maybe it’s time to change up our hand washing protocol.  So, daily our state Secretary of Health reminds us to wash our hands for 20 seconds or “the time it takes to sing Happy Birthday twice.”  Are you still singing Happy Birthday?

I’ve never practiced this recommendation of singing Happy Birthday because early on my sister in law recommended praying every time we wash our hands and she suggested The Lord’s Prayer.  I began my intentional handwashing routine (However, I had been washing my hands prior to the pandemic, but believe it or not, I was doing it mindlessly out of habit.)  Since the daily reminder, I give it much more thought. I’ve posted prayers, quotes, and sayings by all of my sinks to encourage the rest of my family to join me in prayer.

My brother in law shared the following prayer on Palm Sunday so I printed it out and posted it:

Almighty God, who sees that we have no power of ourselves to help ourselves: Keep us both outwardly in our bodies and inwardly in our souls, that we may be defended from all adversities which may happen to the body, and from all evil thoughts which may assault and hurt the soul; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with thee and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

I loved the part about having NO power to help ourselves and keeping us outwardly and inwardly free from adversity. This spoke volumes to me at times.

However, my recent post (on the mirror not on social media!) is a poem by John Ryland in 1777.

Sovereign Ruler of the skies!

Ever gracious, ever wise!

All my times are in Thy hand,

All events at Thy command.


Plagues and deaths around me fly,

Till He bids I cannot die:

Not a single shaft can hit

Till the God of love thinks fit.

After reading it multiple times a day, I realized that it is the perfect length.  It is also easily sung to the tune of Happy Birthday.  Go ahead, read it again, but this time, change the tune, and sing it out loud and join me in prayer!

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One Bowl Apple Cake

IMG_2187It’s late March, early April during a Pandemic of Covid-19, when someone calls to see if you need anything from the store, the only thing you want is fruit.  You know, REAL fruit.  But, it is late March, early April in rural western Pennsylvania with limited grocery stores to begin with, so the only fruit that appears is apples. There’s always plenty of apples.  I’d love to have strawberries…real strawberries, or blueberries! Blueberries would be nice.  (Actually, I snagged a box of blueberries, but the cashier accidentally opened the box and they spilled all over the conveyor belt. Using her gloved hands she touched each berry and put them back in the box…I opted out of purchasing them AND I didn’t want to brave the store to run back and get a different box, so apples it is!) Purchasing in bulk is also prevalent during a shelter in place order, so lots of apples.  To use them up and also to provide entertainment, it’s time to share a recipe.  Enjoy!

One Bowl Apple Cake


2 eggs

1 ¾ cups sugar

2 heaping teaspoons cinnamon

½ cup oil

6 medium Gala or Fuji or Honey Crisp apples*

2 cups flour

2 teaspoons baking soda


Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  In a large bowl, mix the eggs, sugar, cinnamon, and oil.  Peel and slice the apples and add to mixture in bowl (coating as you go to keep apples from turning brown)  Mix together the baking soda and flour and add to the ingredients in the bowl.  Mix well (best with a fork) until all of the flour is absorbed by the wet ingredients.  Pour mixture into a greased one 9×13 or two 9” round pans.  Bake for approximately 55 minutes (Much less time if using smaller pans.)

*FYI – 1 apple = approximately 1 1/3 C chopped X 6 = 8 cups chopped. (No need to be exact! ALSO, I use any type of apple I have.)


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The “C” Word

IMG_1972I’ve heard people in the past say that they were afraid of the “C” word after having some medical testing.  Of course, the “C” word they were talking about was Cancer, but in recent news, there is another “C” word we seem to all be talking about.  Coronavirus. COVID 19. After calling it the “C” word, I had a little bit of fun while reading the paper.  One page of my local newspaper had 3 articles regarding the current situation and it was full of “C” words!

Cancellations, Confusion, Causes, China, Concern, Critical, Carriers, Customs, Cold Symptoms, Country Curtailed, Closings, Care, Cough, Chaos, Crisis, Co-morbidity, Change, Cautions, Close, CDC, Cases, Confirmed, Criticism.

Maybe we need to infuse some more words into the mix!

Caring, Capable, Comfort, Courage, Creative, Couples, Communicating, Civil, Cozy, Calm, Compassionate, Contentment, Confident, Curiosity, Cheerful, Calls,

So I’ve played a little word game with the newspaper today….how are you entertaining yourselves?

P.S.  Please don’t share your Crabby, Critical, Cynical Comments about how Cabin fever is making you Crazy, which might make me Cranky!

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Avoid godless chatter

IMG_1956It’s March 17, 2020, and it’s a new day. I desperately need a new day because I haven’t been doing well the past few.  On the outside, to most observers, I have probably seemed pretty typical but inside, there has been a mess of thoughts, confusion, and fatigue. There’s simply been a lot going on in my life (& everyone’s life) that has been wearing me down.  However, this morning, I realized that once again, I, and my thoughts, are my own worst enemy…and today I recognized that my mouth is also involved!

Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly. — 2 Tim 2:16 NIV

OH, the chatter I have indulged in! I’ve discussed health information that I know nothing about, I bantered about politics I know nothing about, I’ve made assumptions about people, I know nothing about, I’ve speculated, I’ve theorized, I’ve made suppositions, I’ve guessed, I’ve projected and I’ve judged.  I have not been short of words and theories.  And, guess what, It hasn’t helped a bit. There is still a virus, there are still differing opinions about how to handle it, there are continued cancelations, shortages on supplies and more sick people each day.  My chatter hasn’t changed a thing, except for my mood, and not for the better.

So far today, I haven’t said anything about the current worldwide situation to anyone (I haven’t seen another human yet today, but still!) I intend today to not discuss anything that will not be uplifting and/or encouraging to someone. I won’t be able to do this without God’s help.

Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. –Psalm 141:3

And, since the Psalms were written many years ago and don’t mention social media or texting, I’m assuming I will need a guard for my fingers too!  Do you?


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The Conclusion of the Matter

IMG_1904“How old is your Dad now?” I feel like my husband has been hearing this for years. Living to 94 is quite a feat and living to be 94 well is really amazing. Up until very recently, Senior has been living life to the fullest and he will be missed.

George Alexander Beck lived a very good life and is leaving us with a huge hole in our hearts. Some called him George, some called him Dad, many called him Papa and I called him Senior. It’s a struggle to have two Georges in the family, and I was never comfortable calling my husband Junior or Georgie. For a while, I called my husband MY George – but then I had a son and realized my mother-in-law might take issue with my calling her son MINE. I started calling her husband Senior.

“Senior” has a few definitions: one is someone a specified number of years older, and Senior was certainly that. Older than many. Getting older had its challenges but he fought them tirelessly. In 2001, Senior needed to go on dialysis after surgery and we were certain he would decline after that, but he bounced back…and he continued to bounce back time and time again. Last week, I referred to him as the Bounceback King because I had texted my kids in the morning to alert them that he had had a bad night and it didn’t look good… and then when we visited in the evening he was eating a cheeseburger.

I can’t even recall how many times this man bounced back from a bad prognosis, but I’m sure glad he did! And trips to Florida? I think in his mind, each of his last dozen or so were his last. In 2005, he was going through a rough patch and was sure he wouldn’t be able to go back to Florida – so he told Kevin if he flew to Florida and drove the car back to PA, Kevin could have it because Senior certainly wouldn’t be needing it anymore. When Senior recovered that time, Kevin had to meekly ask if he had to give the car back. Of course, he didn’t and the car is still on the road today. Some attribute Senior’s good health to his healthy lifestyle as well as staying engaged and aware. This approach made him able to fight the good fight for a long time, and I don’t know many people who can stay on top of things as well as he did.

My husband recently warned his sister Pam that her taking the stairs to the 6th floor would ensure her longevity. Not sure he could age as gracefully as Senior, he, on the other hand, is considering developing some new bad habits or ramping up some of the old ones. As for whether or not Senior had bad habits… well….I’m the daughter in law and I’m not at liberty to say. He may not have had bad habits, but he did have fun ones. I remember the days of him having a Manhattan for happy hour, but as he got older he chose a glass of wine instead. Even that became a challenge in the later years because, to get his money’s worth, he always bought the bigger economy bottle. Too heavy for him to carry or lift, so he had to wait for someone to stop by to bring it in from the car.

He loved his grandchildren and was always proud of them. Even if they goofed up, he was pleased with how they handled themselves. He spoiled them rotten with his time and attended countless games, recitals, and programs and if he couldn’t attend, he sat through a private performance in the den. Each grandchild here has more than one Papa story they would love to share with you.

Another definition of Senior is: “holding an authoritative position.” Senior held his positions regally and with grace. I have never heard an unkind word spoken of him, and countless people talk about how things were when he was in charge of the plant. “It hasn’t been the same since the Becks left.” What a legacy to leave. This area appreciates the Beck’s and their leadership. Senior led with humility and grace. He was a very humble man.

I’ve heard “each time someone dies, a library burns”, and this couldn’t be truer than for Senior. I think it is what we will all miss most. His vast knowledge of so many things and his ability to retain it all.

One of my fondest memories of Senior is about the books I would read while we were in Florida. I love to read, but I tend to gloss over unfamiliar words. In Florida, though, I always read with a pencil and a piece of paper to jot down words I didn’t know. After dinner, Senior and I would discuss my list, and I was amazed at his knowledge. I gave him a word, he’d say what he thought it meant and then I would look it up. He was like a talking dictionary. One time while reading an Amish Fiction, I gave him a word and he casually said, “I think that would be a needle used for quilting” and he was right!

So, our library burned. It’s tragic, but it’s also a blessing that we had so many years to visit this free library that was always open for us.

Last week, when he wasn’t always clear and was so tired he struggled to speak, he still amazed me with his knowledge. I had shared some scriptures with him about how Nothing would happen to him without his Lord being with him, and that nothing would happen that he couldn’t handle with God’s power and grace. I told him that I wondered what the Lord would say to him at the pearly gates when he got there, knowing all that the two of them had been through over the years. He groggily said, “Vanity of vanities; all is vanity.” Even in his confusion and fatigue, he had the memory and ability to quote scripture. Remarkable to most, typical for Senior. Ecclesiastes begins with ‘Vanity of Vanities’ or “meaningless meaningless, everything is meaningless” but it ends with
“here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the duty of all mankind.”

We lose libraries all the time in the people we aren’t taking the time to visit and the calls we are too busy to make. Senior gave us ample opportunities to learn and grow, and we will all miss that – but I think that he would want us to keep seeking answers for ourselves. And, I think he would want us to turn to each other (& of course, take care of Mimi).

Life isn’t meaningless if it is lived in the way Solomon intended in Ecclesiastes, and Senior lived accordingly. I believe he hopes we will, too.


The Conclusion of the Matter – Ecclesiastes 12:9-14

Not only was the Teacher wise, but he also imparted knowledge to the people. He pondered and searched out and set in order many proverbs. 10 The Teacher searched to find just the right words, and what he wrote was upright and true.

11 The words of the wise are like goads, their collected sayings like firmly embedded nails—given by one shepherd.[b] 12 Be warned, my son, of anything in addition to them.

Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body.

13 Now all has been heard;
    here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
    for this is the duty of all mankind.
14 For God will bring every deed into judgment,
    including every hidden thing,
    whether it is good or evil.


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Wasted Time

IMG_1707I’ve begun crocheting again.  I thought it might help keep my hands busy and out of the chip bag in the evenings. I have in the past crocheted squares and thought that eventually, I would have enough squares to sew together to make an afghan and that is still my hope.  However, since I work without a pattern and I never use the same crochet hook twice, it is very difficult for me to get squares uniform in size.  I count the stitches and rows, but depending on my mood it seems, my stitches vary. As I began again, I made a chain that appeared to be the right size when compared to a completed square and I stitched away.  As the square got bigger, the more different in size it appeared.  I spent the next bit of time, pulling the stitches and rolling the yarn back into a ball.  Not to be defeated, I started again, a few more stitches in the initial chain and off we go! I was pleased with how good the patch looked yet the size was wrong again.  I once again pulled all the stitches out and rewound the yarn. What did I have to show for myself at the end of the evening? Nothing.  I did not complete a single square.  I spent an evening accomplishing nothing. I was shocked to realize it.

However, before I picked up the crochet hook, I’m ashamed to admit how many evenings I picked up my smartphone and spent time scrolling Facebook, playing  Sodoku and recently enjoying a newly found obsession, BlockuDoku! At the end of the evening, I put my phone on the charger and went to bed.  I had not completed anything those evenings either.  I had spent an evening and accomplished nothing. It simply didn’t register to me that these two things were the same.

Ephesians 5:15-17 says “So be very careful how you live. Do not live like people who aren’t wise. Live like people who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity. The days are evil. So don’t be foolish. Instead, understand what the Lord wants.” 

I don’t know if the Lord wants an afghan or not, but I do know that He wants me to use my time wisely and I’ve been feeling a little nudge lately that playing games on my phone is not necessarily a wise decision.

Are you guilty of wasting time? Do you spend time complaining or gossiping or procrastinating? Watching too much TV,  playing video games or surfing the web? Do you lose time looking for lost items because you didn’t put them where they belong in the first place? These are all common ways people waste time. Let’s all remember that our days are numbered. We often say there are only so many hours in a day and that we don’t have enough time, but are we using all of the time we have been gifted wisely or are we throwing it away?

I happen to have a few spare minutes right now, do you think I’ll feel better if I pick up a paintbrush or a cell phone? a broom or a needle? a book or a remote? So many options!  I hope I choose a wise one!




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Lord, Why Don’t I Trust You?

242Oh Lord, why don’t I trust you? I should. I really should. I’ve read your Word long enough to know that your promises are in there and I have seen them play out in real life and yet I still don’t always trust you quick enough.

I just watched a video of my son riding his bike across the country while staying with people he met on the internet. He returned safely. That should prove it.

My other son took a gun, loaded it, headed to the woods and shot his thumb. The healing of that thumb without surgical intervention is amazing not to mention the many blessings in the miracles and the people that surrounded us during that time. You certainly proved you were trustworthy then.

My daughter traveled to foreign countries and stayed at random Air BnB’s as a college student. A daughter’s dream, a mother’s nightmare. You remained faithful.

My other daughter got very sick while living states away, went through a spinal tap, medical tests of all sorts and eventually was simply healed. You are so good.

Custody battles with my youngest daughter resulted in visits with abusive parents unsupervised for 4 years before parental rights were terminated and we could ensure her safety and you were with her and us each step of the way to work out your plan of permanence. I doubted, but you stayed true.

There have been broken hearts, car accidents, shootings, diagnosis, mental health emergencies, complicated pregnancies, a flood, sicknesses, risky travel, legal problems & loss and you have masterfully helped us through it all.  You continue to amaze me with your presence yet I still question at times and it is still hard for me to trust. And sometimes I can’t trust you with the littlest of things.

Albert Einstein said the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. It appears that I’m not only distrustful, but I’m also insane. Because God, you have proven time and time again that you are able and willing to help me in all that I do and yet I question. Am I expecting you not to? Am I expecting a different result?

In addition to being distrustful and insane, I am also wrong.

God, you are trustworthy. You have proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt. I hope I can remember that the next time! Forgive me for my unbelief.

Readers, I challenge you to make a list of all the things you didn’t think would work out the way they did.  I think you will see that you can trust him too!


Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
    but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.  –Psalm 20:7

Trust in the Lord forever,
    for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal. –Isaiah 26:4

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. –Psalm 56:3




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Filed under Adoptive, Big Kids, family, Inspirational, Life, Little Kids, Parenting, Scriptures, Trauma-mama, Travels, Uncategorized

I Got Nothing

fea-nothingHonestly, some days I get so wrapped up in things that are out of my control.  I feel like I have no clear direction, no motivation, no control.  I don’t know where to turn and even though my Christian training tells me that I am to turn to God, I’m not even sure how to do that when I face overwhelming circumstances.  I got nothing. Which as it turns out is exactly where God wants me because when I “got nothing” that is when I solely rely on Him. He’s got my nothings covered because His word says that:

Nothing will ever happen to me that God does not already know about. –Psalm 139:1-4

Nothing will ever happen to me that is a mistake. –Psalm 139:4,16

Nothing will ever happen that I cannot handle by God’s power & grace. — 2 Corinth 1:9-10

Nothing will ever happen that will not eventually be used by God for some good purpose in my life. –Romans 8:28 and Nothing will ever happen to me without God’s presence. –Matt 28:20

As I study more about nothing, I realize that I should Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let my requests be made known to God.–Phil 4:6;

So, when I feel like “I got nothing,” I read those words and realize I have everything.  My mood changes, my focus changes and I can get on with my day.  I can look outward and attempt to do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;–Phil 2:3

It looks like I better look for ways to stop focusing on nothing and myself and start doing something for someone else!  Maybe you should too.



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The Eye Sees What the Heart Loves


My daughter visited NYC last week and I sent her a text with the old slogan “I ‘heart’ NY” which made using a heart symbol in place of the word ‘love’ popular since 1977.  Yes, over 40 years ago! I texted her “I heart NY” but since she was flying to Denver, I reminded her that I also “heart” Denver.  And in reality, I “heart” many places.

I “heart” Haiti and am actively involved with an organization that supports Haiti called Hearts 4 Haiti. We are in the process of planning a mission trip in March which will send 11 people to Mombin Crochu, Haiti to deliver medical supplies and assist in the completion of a medical clinic in this remote village.  I have traveled there myself and now the people, the community and the mission are very dear to me. Recent unrest in Haiti has made us proceed with caution as we make travel plans. The US state department has had a Level 3 – Travel Advisory in effect since June advising people to “reconsider travel.”  So we have taken careful consideration and speaking with trusted advisors in Haiti, we think the situation has calmed enough to allow us to send a team.  As I searched the internet for reports of safety issues and the current unrest in Haiti, I came across the following which has reaffirmed our decision and our mission.

What’s it like in Haiti now? Is it safe to come back? These are questions a lot of people are asking. The answer is hard to give without knowing who is asking.

Warren Wiersbe once said: “The eyes see what the heart loves.”

What’s inside the person looking will have a huge effect on what they see around them.

What did you see the last time you were in Haiti? Did you see poverty and misery? You’ll probably see that again. Did you see hope and ingenuity? You’ll probably see that again.

What did you not see the last time you were in Haiti? Did you not notice the malnourished kid with the rust-colored hair? You’ll probably not notice him this time either. Did you not notice the political tension brewing beneath the surface? You’ll probably not notice it this time either – unless it erupts again while you’re here.

Many people have been helped in various small ways by those who saw the needs around them which others didn’t notice. But far greater change has come from those who dared to look ahead and see a future no one around them could see.

What do you see when you look at Haiti?

Very wise words and I believe that they could apply to more than just Haiti.  Anytime we travel we are exposed to new and different sights.  Many times that is exactly why we travel.  So, I believe the same sentiments as above could be true of anywhere.   New York City? Denver? Did I see the homeless population? Did I see garbage? Did I see traffic and hear honking horns? Did I see violence? I may have, but I also saw kindness, mountains, flowers in parks, talented street musicians. I’ve seen all that it affirms the fact that actually, I “heart” NY, Denver, Haiti, and many other places. Warren Wiersbe was a pastor, author, and Bible teacher and his complete quote states: “The eyes see what the heart loves. If the heart loves God and is single in this devotion, then the eyes will see God whether others see Him or not.”

Scripture says in Psalm 27:13-14

13 I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord.

Let’s see the goodness of the Lord in whatever land we are in.  Let your heart direct your eyes!

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