In October, I saw a video that changed my fall and possibly my life. It was Crazy Faith by John Waller. This song and video moved me and I didn’t exactly know why. Why was I drawn to this song? Why did I listen to it over and over? Why did it become my prayer? I don’t know, but I do know that it has changed me in some way.
My journal entry for October 5, 2016: “Lord, I want a Crazy Faith – I want something where I am scared and have to rely on you and not myself. That’s a scary prayer! It scares me but I know I need to do something for you that I can’t do on my own. I want to take a leap of crazy faith. Lead me Lord. I want it to be of you. Let me hear your call. Let George hear your call. Fostering was crazy faith, adopting was crazy faith. Lord show me where you want me. I sincerely feel I am on the brink of something big and I don’t know what it is, but it’s scary and exciting to know it will be a part of your plan. (If I can stay out of your way!)”
When we were foster parents, it was very clear that we were responding to God’s call to help these families. We would get a phone call and not miss a beat with our family. We would grab a newborn at the hospital, take an older child to the dentist, drive someone to practice and then make dinner. It was so “easy.” We relied fully on God to grant us the supplies, the time and the energy to assist each one of these precious children and He did just that. We relied. He provided. With over 50 children, the phone rang, our busy schedules got busier and we didn’t fret or worry about how things would get done. God made it all work out. We relied. He provided. We had a crazy faith.
Since those days, we have had a few occurrences that we have had to hold on to God and his direction to get through the situation, but I didn’t feel it like I did when fostering. I continue to feel like most of what I do, I could do without including God in every single detail and as scary as stepping out in faith is, sitting still in complacency scares me more. I began praying for a Crazy Faith situation. Daily I ask God to let me know something crazy he would like me to do.
So, what has happened? What crazy thing have George and I done since we made this our prayer? I wish I could say that we have built an orphanage in a foreign country, or sold our house and gave the money to the poor, but quite honestly, though we are prepared to answer a call, we haven’t heard it just yet. That said, we have done some things that appear “normal” but are really “crazy” to us. We have intentionally taken ourselves out of our comfort zone and have begun asking questions. We are seeking our Crazy Faith opportunity. We have been consistent with prayer and Bible study (crazy for us at times.) We have reached out and shared our desires with others. (Really crazy for us to share like this.) We have attended 4 different churches to listen, learn and grow. (Crazy, I’ve sat in the same church pew for over 50 years.) We’ve asked others about their ministries, we’ve toured places, we’ve read books, we’ve kept the search alive. We want a Crazy Faith.
As we hope for an opportunity to arise, we also recognize that we are already pretty crazy when we are able to be faithful. As I shared in my last post, things here at home are not good many days. It takes some Crazy Faith to love a child who has difficulty loving you back. It takes crazy faith to repeat the same set of instructions to a child a million times. (No exaggeration.) It takes crazy faith to keep trying to fight the good fight when the situations look so bleak. As much as I want a new Crazy Faith experience, i’m starting to think that God has decided that we are crazy enough. We may not need a new ministry or opportunity to present itself but we may need extra prayers and commitment to stay faithful in the crazy opportunities we have already been granted.
I do hope you’ll continue to pray for my family and our crazy faith. And, while I wait for the next “big” thing to come along, I’ll continue to have crazy faith while serving in the capacity I already am. I’ll have crazy faith and pray out loud with someone. I’ll have crazy faith and volunteer for something that I don’t have the complete skill set to accomplish on my own. I’ll be crazy and offer to help someone when I don’t think I can fit one more thing into my day. I hope you’ll join me and have some Crazy Faith of your own!