Category Archives: Scriptures

Author: God

It’s my Anniversary…and yours too!

IMG_1444Last week my husband and I had an empty nest for about 36 hours.  Our daughter was going to a football game and then spending the night at a friend’s.  We decided to make the most of our time and plan a near-to-home getaway.  So, after she got on the school bus, we loaded our bikes, visited our parents and headed out for a beautiful autumn day.  We found a trail and admired the falling leaves and the creek and scenery along our 10-mile bike trip.  We then went to our river house and relaxed (I relaxed by reading, he relaxed by mowing the grass…but he says that’s how he relaxes!)  We decided to dress up and go out to dinner at a new restaurant.  I donned my black dress and we headed out.  We made a quick stop at the Widnoon Ice Cream stand to catch our last bit of ice cream before it closed for the season and then we went to the restaurant and had a lovely meal and some really fun conversation.  It was a really nice date.

The thing about the entire date though was that when we called for the reservations, the host at The Meredith Inn asked if we were celebrating anything special.  I thought about that a lot during the evening.  Were we?  Anything special?  This was definitely a date that felt like it should’ve been an anniversary.  (We’ve celebrated anniversaries before with very little fanfare.)  So, what were we celebrating?  Since it felt like an anniversary, I decided to call it that and in fact, it was my anniversary.  Since I journal daily, I can tell you exactly what it was the anniversary of!

In 2018, I was spending time with friends in Florida….so it was the anniversary of a wonderful trip. I could’ve also been celebrating the 9th anniversary of a day when I pitched a fit and I was in a bad mood (yep, I wrote that down too.)  Other years I attended college visitation with a child, hosted Godly Girls, watched George fix plumbing, listened to political banter (and prayed about it.) This date was the 2nd anniversary of a lunch date with a friend, the 8th anniversary of receiving the call giving us an adoption date and the 7th anniversary of the new porch at the Petroleum Valley Youth Center. So, I wonder, if we had responded to the host that yes, we were celebrating something special, would she have agreed?

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. 
–Psalm 118:24
The fact that this actual day didn’t have any special meaning to us, did not mean that we shouldn’t have been celebrating something special.  Each day is a gift and we need to take some time to recognize it.  We should celebrate each day like it is something special…because it is.  Thank you host, for reminding me!
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Shut the Window

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A few weeks ago, I had a very trying few days.  It seemed that everyone I knew was going through something that caused me concern.  I would talk to one person and hear about their struggles and wonder how I could help.  I talked to another and hear their worries and wondered how I could help.  I, myself, had a bunch of things going on and my mind was racing with how I was going to deal with each situation that needed to be addressed.  I spent my evening considering all the possibilities and had no clear answers on anything.

I dreaded bedtime, knowing that when it’s time for my body to shut down, it often signals my mind to wake up and worry.  Very frustrated, I went to bed, and couldn’t fall asleep.  The windows were open at our river house this warm evening and the songs of the crickets and frogs were not bringing me peace. As a matter of fact, the more I listened the louder they sounded and the more alert I became.  “What am I going to do about this noise?!  What am I going to do about these things I am worried about?!”  All of a sudden, an answer came to me….Shut the window.  Seriously?  Shut the window?  It’s that simple?  I got up and shut the window and the sound of silence filled my bedroom. The noise stopped.  I realized then that I could do the same thing with worries and concerns.  I could shut the window to the outside noises and problems that were confronting me.  Every time a worrying thought came to mind, I chose to shut it out.  I found that by “shutting the window” to those nagging concerns and thoughts, I could fall asleep.

I shared this story with my friend and the following week I got a T-Shirt in the mail and it had “Shut the Window” printed on the front.  Friends, it is that simple.  We can choose to shut the window to a lot of situations in our lives and we can give those concerns to God. “Do not let your hearts be troubled, You believe in God.”  It’s that simple…..Shut the window.

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John 14:1-4     Jesus Comforts His Disciples (The title could read “Jesus Comforts Insert your name.)

14 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God[a]; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”

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Filed under Adoptive, Big Kids, Inspirational, Little Kids, Parenting, Scriptures, Trauma-mama, Uncategorized

Dear Person,

 

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Dear Person who was kind to my kid,                                                        I applaud you. I thank you. I am so grateful for all that you’ve done for him. You and I are a lot alike. We care deeply for Paul. We see the potential and the way he manages his disabilities and we are amazed at all he can accomplish with his limited IQ and other challenges. We see his charm and we love the way he can make us smile at times.

However, we also can be disappointed, resentful, and frustrated by him in a way we didn’t think was possible. We question his motives and exhaust ourselves trying to figure out why he does what he does.  Why would he not follow a simple rule? How could he take advantage of us like that? What does he expect from us? We give and give and give and he just takes. We try to teach him, we come up with plans, we motivate, coach and inspire and some days, he does things that make us wonder why we ever bothered.

Paul has Reactive Attachment Disorder and whether you have to deal with it for 9 months or a lifetime, you will never understand it. It is a maddening mental health diagnosis where because of early childhood trauma, he has difficulty forming bonds with others.  He can appear kind and caring on the surface, but in his heart, he protects himself from getting close to others who have the potential to reject him as his own biological parents did. He was denied the basic right as a baby to be cared for and nurtured, so he doesn’t value things the way we do.  His brain developed differently than ours and in instances when we would seek others, he pushes others away before they can reject him to “protect” himself.  He is in survival mode at all times and truly only trusts and relies on himself.  He is very uncomfortable being dependent on others.

I’ve been trying to wrap my brain around RAD for over 15 years and recognize that this is beyond my understanding. I will never understand why praise would make him uncomfortable. I will never understand why he self-sabotages the good things in his life, why he breaks his own belongings, why he hurts himself, why he can’t see how much others care for him and want him to be happy.  Why he can’t accept love.

As a person who was loved and cared for as an infant and toddler, as a person who had someone pick her up when she cried, who fed her when she was hungry & who sang to her and kissed her boo-boos, I am incapable of understanding and feeling his pain or understanding his brain.

Paul is an adult. He is minutes away from transitioning completely out of my home and the security of the school system. I’m sure he’s scared to death.  I must admit, I’m scared too. During his school years, he has met so many wonderful people who worked with him and wanted the best for him. He has had the opportunity to learn many skills and he even implements many of them, but he can’t be taught some of the things that are so basic to us.

So, friend, if you are hurt, disappointed or resentful, I’m sorry.  I validate your very real feelings. I encourage you to only give what you don’t expect back. I encourage you to take care of yourself and your feelings. I beg you to see your success in working with him from what you put into him and not what he’s given back. I can’t promise you, but it is my hope (and hope is what I cling to!) that those things that it seems like he isn’t quite getting right now, will surface later.  You may not get to see the success you are so hoping for in his life, but please feel success in your own about all you are teaching him. I am slowly learning to do that myself!

God Bless You!

Linda

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Some reminders: “His brain is broken. – It will never make sense to us. – Don’t allow his craziness to become your craziness. – He just doesn’t get it. – It’s not that he doesn’t want to, he just can’t. – We are only responsible for our own behaviors, not his. – Protect yourself. – He’s not losing sleep over it, you shouldn’t either.”

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There is surely a hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.  –Proverbs 23:18

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And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. — Romans 8:28

 

 

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Tuesday News Day!

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Sarah is working on a new procedure at work, Nicole bought a TV, Lori had her friends build a human pyramid, Kevin made a new friend, Paul saw a movie, Linda was sick with the flu, Kaylee had a school snow day, Cale bought a couch and George has been busy cleaning up after the house flooded. These are all examples of the latest news in our family.

Starting in January 2019, I wanted to come up with a way to stay in communication with all of my kids who live in varying parts of the country and to try to keep them in contact with each other.  Hence, the creation of Tuesday’s News Day!  The group text is sent to Seattle, Denver, Richmond, New Castle and to some within the same house.  I begin with a short recap text of what I’ve been up to in the last week and invite the rest to chime in.  It’s been such a fun, easy way to learn more about each other and what our typical or less than typical week looks like.

Scrolling past over the last 8 weeks I see where I finished reading Little Women, George is grateful for the book Cale bought him for Christmas, Nicole spent time in Florida, Kevin has been trying new recipes, Sarah binged on a podcast, Cale is trying to walk more, Lori took a Lyra class, Kaylee was cast in a musical & Paul went with his Dad to see the movie Escape Room.

Though I wish we all lived closer, I take comfort in knowing that on Tuesday, my phone will chime multiple times as people report in.  Gone are the days of waiting for handwritten letters in the mail, even live voice phone calls are sometimes hard to fit in, but the well-timed Tuesday text brings joy to all!

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“How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the gospel of peace,
Who bring glad tidings of good things!”  –Romans 10:15 NKJ

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I’m so grateful to those who bring glad tidings!!

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A Good Commercial

51088684-blank-billboard-with-urban-background-advertising-commercial-frame-advertisement-blank-outdoor-boardYears ago George and I were invited to travel with 2 other couples.  These childless couples traveled a lot for business, so they were flying first class while George and I were flying coach. This was back in the day when First Class was really something special.  At the airport, the one man asked if there was any way that George and I could be bumped up to first class using his frequent flyer miles.  There was only one seat left in first class, so George allowed me the treat of sitting up front.

I was seated by a businessman and I started to read my Christian Parenting magazine.  He smiled at me and said, “Are you a Christian?”  I said, “Yes, I am.”  He said, “Well, what does that mean?”  I hem-hawed around and stumbled with my words.  I’m not even exactly sure what I said, but I know that I stuttered a lot.  He very kindly said, “Well, sounds to me, like you need to work on a better commercial for Christianity in case you get the opportunity to answer that question again.”  I’m not sure what I replied, but then he smiled, stood up and said something like, “Let me show you a good answer.”

He went back to coach and found George.  He told George that he wanted to him to go to first class and sit with his wife and he took the center seat in the back of the plane.

We still aren’t sure we have a good commercial, but we never forget his.

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But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,…           1 Peter 3:15

 

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I Hate This Shirt…or Do I?

IMG_4020OK, so you all know I’m a Mom and as much as I hate to admit it, I often do such stereotypical Mom things that I’m embarrassed.  My favorite commercial currently is the Progressive Insurance commercial and my favorite line is “Why is the door open? Are we trying to air condition the whole neighborhood?” It just makes me smile to think that we all do share some of the same memories.  Today, though, I may have struck out some new ground of my own…or maybe not.  Do you other parents sometimes make things disappear in your house? Maybe it’s your kid’s cell phone that is overused and you just hide it under a newspaper for a while just to have some face to face conversation? Maybe you hide that last candy bar and say that they all must have been eaten? Do you ever pretend to NOT see the remote for the TV when they are looking in hopes that the kids will find something else to do for a bit? If you don’t, maybe you should give it a try. However, the above tricks of the trade in the parenting business are harmless, but my following confession may not be. Here we go…

Do you ever permanently make clothes disappear? The too short shorts? The too tight T-Shirt? The stained jersey? The handmade school spirit shirt? The one with a beer ad on it (that was “accidentally” worn to church?) and the ever-popular mismatched socks? Well, I do.

Today, the harmless T-Shirt that is pictured above almost met its’ demise. The threat was made the last time she wore it. “I am so sick of that shirt that the next time I see it in the laundry, I will make it disappear!” There is was today. Clean, fresh, appropriately crumpled in the laundry basket. I picked it up, began to fold it and realized that my chance was right there. I could cut it up and make a dust rag or I could throw it in the bag for the Salvation Army. With it in my hands, I paused and then I decided to fold it gently and put it on her pile of clean clothes to put away. What’s the big deal? What is so wrong with that shirt? It won’t fit forever. I’m sure she’ll decide to stop wearing it someday. Why on earth would that harmless shirt be something that I allow to upset me?

We are heading into the teen years. I will need all the help I can get and I need to work now on a relationship that will weather the real storms that we may face. This shirt cannot have the power to upset me and potentially cause a rift between my daughter and me. The next time I see her wear it proudly (which I am certain will be tomorrow when she sees it on the top of the pile,) I will say a prayer that we will be very careful in choosing our battles. I will be grateful for my healthy daughter and the blessing she is.

Now, I think I will go and let down that cuff on those jean shorts that I think are too short…I don’t think she’ll even notice.

Take a minute to be grateful for the battles you choose not to fight and also click on the commercial link above and have a laugh. I hope it makes you smile as much as it does me!

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give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.                                                                                                                         –1 Thessalonians 5:18 

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The Lesson Goes On

textingAlmost a year ago, my family went through a very difficult time.  We were hurt by someone we trusted and though an apology was quickly delivered, the healing took a little longer to arrive.  During that time, I sought counsel from a trusted friend. He knew all parties involved and was able to put things into perspective for me.  He knew that we loved the offender and he told us to respond in love to all parties. In all things, respond in love was his teaching.  He explained that though we were hurt, we taught the person who hurt us a very valuable lesson and that no one will be hurt by him in the same way again.  He shared a story about a time when he unintentionally hurt someone by saying something and that though he wasn’t able to rectify the relationship, he learned to never make the same statement again.

A few weeks ago while driving alone in my car, I thought of my counseling friend. I know he hasn’t been feeling well so I prayed for him. As I was praying for him, I thought of how much he had helped me last year and how I should probably text him and let him know how the afflicted relationship from last year had healed and is better than we could’ve ever imagined. I decided to text him to encourage him and thank him again.  I pulled over to the side of the road to text him when I really felt the Lord convict me. All of a sudden, I realized I didn’t need to text him to thank him, I needed to text him to apologize. The last time I saw him, I said the exact hurtful statement that he had said when he was sharing his situation and I said it to him.  I said it in jest, but still!  What was I thinking?  Why would I do that?! Oh, there’s a ton of reasons beginning with SIN, but still! So, I prayerfully wrote out an apology text and then thanked him again for his wise counsel last year.

Driving on, I waited for the “ding” of a return text.  Nothing. I arrived at my destination and still nothing. The evening passed. Nothing. No response.  Not even a “k.” Strange. But then, I decided that in addition to the Lord humbling me and asking me to apologize, maybe He was humbling me again and not giving me the response.  Did I apologize to make myself feel better or to make my friend feel better?  Does he really need to reply? No, probably not. I struggled with myself and my pride issues, I rethought every word in the text. I placed myself in his shoes. I thought, thought and OVER thought. Enough.  I was prayerful before I texted, my intent was pure, I moved on.

It did give me pause though as I continued to wonder if we often apologize to make ourselves feel better. Lots of soul searching involved in that area.  One evening as I was having dinner with another friend, I shared with her the story since she is also a mutual friend of all involved.  I told her about my new awareness of why we apologize, etc. and how I was still learning from my friend’s response or lack thereof. With a big smile on her face she said, “Oh, I bet you don’t have his new cell phone number!”

Sure enough, I had the wrong number. So my wise friend continued to teach me lessons even without realizing it.  He never got the apology.  I hope he will read this blog so I can finally end this ongoing lesson. I’m sure there is another matter I can give this much time and thought to!

Oh, and Friend, this is for you:

Hey brother. God has had you heavy on my heart and I’ve been praying for your health and strength.  However, He also brought it to my attention that I should apologize to you for the comment I made at the meeting.  You told me the story of how you had offended someone. I remembered the lesson and would not do it to someone else, but for some reason, I did it to you and I am sorry.  You probably had to talk yourself into attending the meeting that evening and then you were greeted by my comments.  Again, my apologies.  I value our friendship and think so highly of you.  You’ve helped me more times than you know! God bless you and I hope you are feeling better and getting ready for Holy Week.

Let’s hope that “better late than never” works in this case. Also, funny how originally I said he had helped me more than he knows…..isn’t that still the truth?  Thanks again and I’m sorry Friend.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.  — Proverbs 17:17

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